BUT I REALLY WANTED JONO TO CRY

There's a sexy new gadget coming out around here on Friday, and I had convinced myself that I wasn't gonna get it. I've already got all the digital weaponry to manage my music and communications, so adding a fancy new toy to the mix wouldn't give me any new superpowers.

But I was thinking about it more, and about how it isn't just electronics, but also a geekboy status symbol. I thought how horrible it is that our possessions define us... But also that I've constantly been outdone by my buddies as I try to have the coolest stuff.

I got an iPod, Jodie got a video iPod. She was so smug about that.

My job gave me a 15" Powerbook. One month later Jono's on my couch with his 17" Powerbook.

I buy a hybrid bike: half mountain bike, half road bike. One season later, Robbie's riding a top-of-the-line road bike and Kevin's tricking on the world's best mountain bike.

I save up and get a 40" high-def TV. Tomorrow dad's getting his 52" 1080P LCD TV delivered.

So yeah, I'm foolishly competitive and the only winners of this game are savvy marketers who air commercials during The Daily Show, Corner Gas, and South Park. Anyway, I kept thinking about this sleek new device and how I wanted it - not so I could have it, but so I could outdo my asshole friends.

And then I realized that I was becoming Eric Cartman. This was like cold turkey. Immediately I decided that I didn't need an iPhone. Suck my balls Stan and Kyle!