BUT TWENTY BUCKS BUYS A LOT OF MILKBONES

BUT NOBODY READS SWANK.CA ANYWAY

I just received the attached nastigram. They seem quite impressed with me and my mentoring of young people! I took down the image of course: copyright infringement is bad!

I'm awesome at MarioKart Wii

Challenge me! Add my friend code, then call or IM or fax*.

1504-6092-1333

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHEESEBURGER SALESPEOPLE?

First check-in on the Wilson vs. Anderson Don't Be a Fatass, Fatass weight loss competition...

The Ground Rules

Start weigh-in is on Jan 7, 2007 thru the finish weigh-in on Sept 5, 2007.

Whoever loses more raw pounds wins. Just like on TV, the Biggest Loser is the Winner.

The winner gets to pay for his awesome prize, a Vacation Gettaway to any destination he chooses!

The loser also receives, and pays for, the same great awesome vacation prize. But the loser doesn't get to pick the destination! Sucker!

Current Stats
Jesse weight as of Jan 7 - 246.8 pounds. Major fatass!
Jesse weigh in as of Feb 1 - 227.0 pounds.

Extra Stuff
Currently I'm on the Andy Warhol diet. I'm inspired by two great men: S. Vladmirov, "it's okay to feel hungry" and B. Covey, "nothing tastes as good as thin feels". Both of these guys have done impressive work to take control of their health, and I want to be like them.

Interesting Fact
I've made an important discovery about my relationship with food. The flavor is important, but what I crave is food that is satisfying. Most of the time I think I'd prefer a slice of buttered wonderbread over a gourmet salad. The salad wins in flavor, but the bread is satisfying. And that's what I crave. My favourite foods are all about the satisfaction factor - hamburgers, pizza, sandwiches, lasagna.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE POLAR BEARS?

Our horrible Canadian government doesn't want pesky environmental scientists raising a stink about climate change. Fuck Stephen Harper.

BUT WHY NOT PARTY LIKE IT'S 1989

Nothing brings the Christmas spirit home like the Green Curtains, and Silky White Sash.

BUT BEING REALLY REALLY FUNNY IS NO REASON TO BE REALLY REALLY MEAN

"Tell your boyfriend that you're pregnant."

"Why?"

"So he'll propose to you. Whenever a guy finds out his girlfriend is preggers, he has to either marry her or convince her to get an abortion. But you can't get an abortion cause you're all Catholic and stuff. But you could get married and that's an awesome party that'll be really fun for me!"

"But what if I don't want to marry him?"

"Preggers can't be choosers!"

BUT I REALLY WANTED JONO TO CRY

There's a sexy new gadget coming out around here on Friday, and I had convinced myself that I wasn't gonna get it. I've already got all the digital weaponry to manage my music and communications, so adding a fancy new toy to the mix wouldn't give me any new superpowers.

But I was thinking about it more, and about how it isn't just electronics, but also a geekboy status symbol. I thought how horrible it is that our possessions define us... But also that I've constantly been outdone by my buddies as I try to have the coolest stuff.

I got an iPod, Jodie got a video iPod. She was so smug about that.

My job gave me a 15" Powerbook. One month later Jono's on my couch with his 17" Powerbook.

I buy a hybrid bike: half mountain bike, half road bike. One season later, Robbie's riding a top-of-the-line road bike and Kevin's tricking on the world's best mountain bike.

I save up and get a 40" high-def TV. Tomorrow dad's getting his 52" 1080P LCD TV delivered.

So yeah, I'm foolishly competitive and the only winners of this game are savvy marketers who air commercials during The Daily Show, Corner Gas, and South Park. Anyway, I kept thinking about this sleek new device and how I wanted it - not so I could have it, but so I could outdo my asshole friends.

And then I realized that I was becoming Eric Cartman. This was like cold turkey. Immediately I decided that I didn't need an iPhone. Suck my balls Stan and Kyle!