cute.

paranoid?

SLACKER SOUND SISTIMS says drink your milk! Now with 3% more mellow vibes. Oh and if there's a mark in the house, check your email - your head is coming.

Announcing the very first SSS album fully produced and printed in the neglected west half of our country.
The album will hit a home near you as soon as we here at Slacker feel like it
"COVER UP" will feature your favorite songs done by shitty bands that thrashed the original beauty of these timely classics
Look forward to songs such as

Build me up buttercup

Mario Bro's One Theme song

And many many more
In the west we do not have such luxuries as electricity because the fucking Canadian government forgot that there was land passed Ontario. So the only way to reach me would be to send a telegraph at three dashes one dot and another twenty four dashes. Or there is mail delivery by the pony express every two months so you could mail me at \
Mark Wilson
94 University Park Dr.
Regina Sask.
s4v0e4

They call me 7-up man!

The web shows some interesting information on co-op education, also known as financial backing for Slacker Sound Sistims.

The Slacker execs are getting baseball caps! We're getting some damn sexy black flex fit hats to further advertise our amazing brand. The caps feature the patented new two-star Slacker logo, which some have described as "sexy." The hats are due to arrive in just three short weeks, on July 11. If the hats are received as well as our super-duper longsleeve t-shirts, we'll surely sell them to the masses using our up-and-coming business license!

Well, the Slacker guys currently residing here in the humid high land of Ontario, in an effort to keep up on the latest Hollywood trends, hit the movies last night.

Specifically, Tomb Raider.

Despite the concequenses of going to a late movie we decided to risk over sleeping the next morning and headed for the theatre.

And I can hear you asking yourself, was it worth it?

Well, according to 7Up man, it was 80% good. Which is actually pretty damn good for his rating system.

Only a couple things could have made the movie better. A dinosaur (didn't Lara slay a T-Rex in a video game or something?) More stairs, more running, and a little bit more incidental nudity.

Wow.

What a screwed up weekend.

As you may have noticed I didn't do any work on Rampancy (and if you haven't noticed, I suggest you lose your life and check your favourite internet pages more regularly)

What I did do, turned out to be a lot more fun (except for waking up sunday morning to find another Slacker Sound Sistims Logo tattoed to my ass) and if I ever got onto my incredibly sore ass and set up Rampancy (working in conjuction with SSS of course) you'd be able to read about it there.

later

Swank Trax 2001 hits the mail service tomorrow. A large percentage of the zero copies produced are going to be sent to SSS headquarters in the town that rhymes with fun. We're also stealing a half dozen Slacker brand baseball caps, which are 50% sexier than male pattern baldness. Look for more news in the newspaper.

Swank Trax 2001 has hit the presses. The amazing new Slacker album has so much sexy, new music that it makes your ears want to hump your stereo. To get your copy, send a CD insert label picture you've drawn to Slacker HQ before January 15, 2001. (That date has passed; you're fucked.)

This is a test for head.... this is a head test... this is a test to see if I can get head..... I hope it works!

Ok I am back now..... now that I am back from the hugemongous city of Saskatoon and I am connected once again, I thought I would put my two cents in even if no one cares... Looks like that slogan competition is going good... I am a bit stunned so I really can't think of anything at the moment.. The logos are looking good, once I get my system back up and running I will throw in a couple of my suggestions... as for the kick fuckin ass site that has been promised... in the true Slacker phasion.. it is not started yet.. but that will change as I hope to soon wedge my ass off the couch and do something... if you have any good ideas for the site send me an email and I will take them into consideration and then completely ignore them.. but I hafta get out of the cyber world... I hear the beer calling and I am getting the shakes so I will catch ya all l8r!

Because we're still building the goddamn SSS site, there's "updated UI" posts frequently. As you may notice, my comical head now accompanies my comical messages.

In preparation for our upcoming album, Swank Trax 2001, we've compiled a list of possible recipients for this amazing disc. Unfortunately, this process took us 0 seconds and we came up with a list of exactly 0 recipients. That is sucks, no? Well that's just 'cause our "registration process" is way too difficult for the average punkbitch.

We might be a bit more lenient than zero when the album goes to press in ten days, but don't count on it, jerk. The new album is going to be damn alternative. If you want to see if you're on our list, check here.

Oh yes and one more thing, only 39 days 'till dinosaurs eat our brains.

Like driving fast?
Check out BMW FILMS

Like watching the Slacker Exec's try to come up with cool stuff on the internet?
Check out RAMPANCY-ORG

Slacker Sound Sistims is confident that it will be your favourite webpage on the entire Internet. This is not because we have any captivating material on our site, but because as you read, you become hypnotized by our groovy new animated background. Inspired by the works of our caffeen font project of 1999, this animated background is still cutting edge. Trip.. trip... trip like me.

To ease the minds of the thirteen people who filed complains about the redesign of the Slacker' site, another redesign has been drawn, and implemented. And this one is mighty sexy. It still needs a few finishing touches, such as a title for the news section, but otherwise she's hot. And hard on the eyes in such an elegant way.

Our ugly-as-shit website has been re-uglified. You'll now see the slacker execs drinking prominently on the page, as well as some hard to read news articles on a disgusting gradient. Why all the ugliness? Well, slacker Clay is the man behind our webdesign at SSS, and since he's busy, I'm improvising. And this is some damn good motivation.

The slogan contest is totally out of control. We've received a ton of submissions, but unfortunately they're all shit and so we have decided to close the contest and select the slogan, "SLACKER SOUND SISTIMS FUCKED YOUR SISTER." Actually the contest is still open, but we've decided to select the best four slogans of each week to advance to the next week. The contest still closes on Canada Day, so that's a solid three more weeks of sloganasty competition.

In other news, dancin graham has secured rights to the domain, "rampancy.org", which he says, "I'm looking to build a site that provides pornography to those of us who aren't yet 18, yet still crave hard core nude lesbians." He said he plans to earn revenue with the site by selling advertising for video games and action figures.

The track list for SWANK TRAX 2001 is forming. The album looks to maintain the series fresh alternative reputation. When we asked Slacker CES Clayton Lawless what he thought of the album, he said, "Jesse thinks he's so damn cool because he has access to the Internet and a shower." Look for ST2K1 around June 22, 2001.

Slacker exec dancin graham today submitted some logos to the SSS logo competition. Unfortunately, the logos were all shit so we decided that rather than posting them, we would print them out and use the paper for toilet paper.
And then another round of emails came through, and I say to myself, these logos are fuckin' stylish. We flew the slackerjet to Hollywood to get the impressions of the rich and famous. Brittany Spears said, "I get it. The're 'S's!". Mr. T said, "I pity tha foo who made those logos." Mr. T continued to point out the idea of painting a giant capital "S" on the slacker van, despite the fact that there exists no slacker van.
Check out the logos here.
Also note the new slogans from a hell of a weekend in the ditch.

The Swank Trax 2001 cover art has been finalized. The originally planned photo shoot with the girls from Josie & the Pussycats was cancelled, so we decided to use some comic art of our own. Check it out here.

Sick of Napster? Too lazy to use FTP? Too impatient to wait for CD's to be released? Check out Music City Morpheus. It's the first worth-while peer to peer media exchange I've seen. And it's damn fast.

The current list of artists to be heard in Swank Trax 2001 is now posted on the functional swank.ca minibar. We work hard to ensure that each track is authentic using our patented do-not-sample process. Look forward to never-before heard music from Blink 182 and the rest when the album drops June 22, 2001.

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NECESSARY VINYL
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Green Day: Dookie

"Or else I'm naked."
- Allene Chernick

doesn't exist. sorry. it was all just a lie.