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Thanks Colonel
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BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BEER!
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BLAH!
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Wedding weekend reports
achol is good... getting your 17 year old cousin drunk and him puking on his table is not... 6 oclock swimming is cool.. puking in the sauna is not.. not hating your family is cool... remembering they are your family is not... grinding drunkinly with a hot girls is cool... finding out she is your cousin is not...
many more interesting thoughts on this confusing weekend to come...
when i remember them..
sarah where are you?
mills
have a bleary week all
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Well last night was a great night to be at the warehouse. The music only sucked half as much as it usually does and the women were plentyfull. The strange thing last night is that I didn't drowned my liver. I almost treated my liver with respect but it was still swearing and cursing at me in the morning.
I hope to hell that Ed is having fun where ever the hell he went becuase he is missing a hell of a week.
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saturday warehouse report
with Jesse Wilson
for Saturday April 27, 2002 |
well I must say that partying regina style has definite advantages: Regina girls are hot! Fuck they were hot tonight. Me and my partner in crime, the colonel, danced from pretty girls to pretty girls all night long with plenty of bum touching and giggling. The music was shiat, but we compensated by drowning our livers in booze. Oh what a way to waste a Saturday. People who go home early should know that masturbation is not better than being rejected by pretty girls.
In other news, my Regina stay has been fan-fucking-tastic thus far. Thursday night the adventures were aplenty as Clay and Mark and myself went from landmark to landmark reciting the national anthem with accompanyment by our emptying bladders. Cheers that.
Friday night was lame ass. Today Tuong treated us all to some yummy pizza; it is unfortunate that our amazing waitress is all alone tonight when us charming boys have no one to keep warm. Except Mark's extremely mature-for-her-age sister.
I love you all. From jesse and the colonel.
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Mustangs Beware
It is 3:30am Friday morning and Colonel Sanders Mustang was almost stolen! Yes there were 6 guys around his car trying to get into it and drive it away. The good old Colonel ran outside and in a loud voice said "HEY WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING". The little crap eating fags jumped into three cars two being Mustangs and drove off.
Thinking that I could catch up to them and do something about it, I took my car keys and jumped into my Mustang and drove off. Realizing that I was one and there were 6 or 8 of them I phoned the POlice and told them what had happened. I Turned the corner and there they were at the mall just sitting there. I got out of my car and said “Get your ass over here!” Again they left and I was unable to find them! The Police told me to stay were I was and wait for a unit, so I did.
To make a long story short three cars on my block got stolen two mustangs, one van and there were three more vans that they could not steal but tried. So if someone is trying to steal your mustang and you are able to find them do not phone the Police they do nothing but tell you to stay were you are. Just go after the fuckers!
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ALl I have to say is, True that Roar, True That!
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ALl I have to say is, True that Roar, True That!
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Hey, I just had an idea, maybe Colonel Sanders has his hand up Ed the socs ass. It would explain their animousity for one another. I mean I'd be pissed if someone shoved their hand up my ass. I'd be pissed also if I had to leave my hand up someones ass. But wait, lets look at the evidence.
Ed the Soc said "up my bum is the hand of a killing machine." Colonel Sanders has killed more chickens then almost anyone on the planet. Not only that but the Colonel said "You name the place and I will bring my cartoon chickn lovin ass there to beat you to a bloody plup. I would also suggest that you back down, because I will take your big fat dick loving ass and make you lick it with your own toung. Waterloo beter respect! " That sounds like a killing machine to me.
Finally, Ed seems to respond to the Colonel instantly, maybe thats cause they are both their at the same time...
On that note, here is an amusing site a friend sent to me check it out!
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roar roar tuesday limmerick this week is about being true to yourself
You're not enrolled in that class;
if you were you would not pass.
You're way too lazy,
but we're not crazy
so quit with the lies you ass!
so remember kids: if you have been maintaining several lies spanning decades, it is time to admit you're a loser like the rest of us and just be cool with it! You're not fooling anyone - be yourself for fuck's sake! roar roar we love you anyway roar
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VAmpire wannabe??
alright, as long as i won a point for waterloo...
i say punk and metal is far better than any hip hop shit you will ever dance to...
Graham will you ever get a job or must your friends suport your pimpin for yet another year?
However i gotta give you props you finally gave a good diss on fingers and condom.. not bad
Jesse you better enjoy it over there because you will be with the ginos in toronto soon enough and your hiphop and climaxima wont save you..
sleeping and dreaming of your death
mills
ps have a week full of words ending in -cide patricide... sororicide... matricide... homocide
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Not to many people talking today!
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Jesse your table looks great but it seems you forgot one of the best parts of Regina, "The Off Sale". For those who live in waterloo "The Off Sale" is a place where beer is availible after hours. If you are out of beer and it is 1:00 in the morning there is no problem, because here in Regina you can just go to "The Off Sale" and get some more. This is what makes regina the best.
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alright well the jessman should settle this Regina/Waterloo debate for once and for all:
| Regina | Waterloo | Winner |
|---|
| coolest bar | the State | Phil's | Waterloo | | girls | hot | chinese | Regina | | academic | smart but fun | my ass hurts | Regina | | attitude | laid back | capitalist | Regina | | government | left | right | Regina | | winter | fucking cold | t-shirts year round | Waterloo | | summer | hot chicks | sweaty balls | Regina | | music | punk, metal | hip hop shit | Regina | | Rider Pride | high | low | Regina | | vampire wannabes | none | Mills | Waterloo | | alcool tolerance | like water | stomach pump | Regina | | party memories | Jesse naked | Jesse naked | Tie | | Total | 8 | 3 | Regina |
|---|
well I guess we've settled it. regina is better than waterloo. tune in next month when Regina will face the next challenger!
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BOO SOCK BOO
You smell like dirty feet.... and Regina is better... I just know it is...
ok
Oh yeah and what a killing machine you have up your ass... he has problems even killing time...
I must go now...
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I'd like to point out that I never actually insulted Waterloo....I simply pointed out that it rhymes with Poo...don't blame me...
Also, yes I am just a sock, but up my bum is the hand of a killing machine, and if you anger the sock...you anger the killing machine
ps Only four people (that any of us are aware of) can make a clear judgement on which city is better. Jesse Wilson and Shannon Sills have the best idea as they have lived in both, while Bryan Chernick and Mark Wilson have been to both, so could contribute somewhat...the rest of you don't know shit!
pps - 3 of those 4 live in Regina and the other one wishes he did :)
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You name the place and I will bring my cartoon chickn lovin ass there to beat you to a bloody plup.
I would also suggest that you back down, because I will take your big fat dick loving ass and make you lick it with your own toung. Waterloo beter respect!
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Bring it Eddie boy! (you too Sanders!)
Waterloo could beat down flat-like-a-pre-pubecent-girl Regina anyday!
And it's not like I'm worried that you're going to actually do anything. I mean your a sock for christ sake! What're you going to do? Sit there on the floor until I grind a huge hole into your ass with my foot?
And you Colonel! FUCK! YOU'RE DEAD!
So act like a dead guy and ROT already!
On a lighter note, my interveiw went quite well, and maybe I'll have a job this summer yet.
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anger management colonol!
It's not his fault Regina rhymes with Vagina and Waterloo rhymes with Poo
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I would watch what you say about regina little man! Life is sort! and yours just got shorter.
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Hello fellow minions to Slackerness...
Sleep is a beautiful thing. That is all....
oh, p.s. I met a girl who kinda looks like Josie from Josie and the Reginacats...:)
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hello Regina
hello Dad Mom
hello Clay Mark Robbie Bryan Shannon
it's good to be home
I'm looking forward to a fun week of Hello's and Oh hell's!
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Damnit.
It's harder getting my really really rediculous amount of stuff out of CLT than I thought it would be....
Slacker's out of town already, (what!?!? It's only mid-day!) and apparently I have no friends who live in Waterloo with cars.
Lucky for me Kevin's here.
:) Or who know how long I might have been stuck here....
Now, to find a job.....
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saturday morning phil's report
with Jesse Wilson
for Phriday April 19, 2002 |
yeah I don't know what happened last night I am sorry I disappeared everyone. I think I was two-fisting when I should have been one-fisting when I said, "holy shit I am fuckocked!" and decided to get the hell out of there! Other than my mysterious exit though, last night was good times: Guy showed up!
In other news, why is everyone is all excited about someone being undressed online? What the hell! I mean there is like 10,000 naked people on the Internet but everyone makes a big deal when it's the jessman! Oh well, I guess the jessman undressed just gets people excited.
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Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yeah.
sooooooooooooo relaxed.
because ya know what?
I'm done yet another term of school.
:) Soooooooooooooooooooooooo good.
Almost post orgasmically relaxed.
time for a drink.
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Way to go ed.... way to get ahold of your nuts...
Now just keep em for awhile eh?? Yeah I admit... due to my stomach bleeding and who knows what other body parts... I did not live up to drink drink fri and I appologize and will gladly make up the lack of drinking on whichever day I am done these bloody exams!! So everyone give the sock I nice big hand and pat him on the back cause he actually got enough testicular fortitude together to say something mean... and by the way... Jesse start wearing layers...
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HEY!
If I want to see jesse naked then I'll do it the old fashioned way!
...by getting him drunk and taking advantage of him....I don't want to see your pictures of getting him drunk and taking advantage of him!
ps as Clay thinks I should be more of an ass: Clay sucks! He turned drink drink friday into Clay is a pussy friday...whine, whine, whine..."oh my stomach is bleeding, I'm such a wuss, Mark, would you be my mom and feel sorry for me for being a drunken' moron and getting kicked out of the Pump" (the pump is hick central for those of you in the east) (the rest of Regina, is actually basically the same as Waterpoo)
so in conclusion
Jesse naked = NO!
Clay sober = LOSER!
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It really is amazing what you get in the mail these days.....
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roar roar is it tuesday already? i guess that means time for your goat-chomping friend to deliver another piece of poetry:
To avoid getting a 'D,'
stop hangin' with your buddy.
Get out of the sun,
and quit havin' fun:
now is the time to study!
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I don't know about you kids in saskast. But here it is customary to wake your roomate up from a great sleep. to accomapny them to different vienus of this crappy town. Then an hour later from bieng woke up
they abandon you... and go get an erotic hairdo
leaving me completely drunk without shoes and with a pot smokin hippie.
my anger knows no bounds..
I hate you jesse
have a wife swappin weekend
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Someone please kick the sock in his cotton balls for being such a wimp... of course Saskatchewan is better.... never doubt it... only the greatest place in the world would make the world's greatest beer.... at least for the next month or so.... but Sock... get some balls.. and start being an ass again.... dammit....
Oh and another note about drinking... if you drink too much... and I mean a way too much... you might begin to start thinking that alcohol is bad... BUT YOU MUST NOT GIVE IN.... you must not give in to these ideals... and instead.. reach out for one more beer... then everything will become clear.... a moment of clarity through the fog...
remember since none of this has made sense... that alcohol is definately the answer...
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Well, worst day of exams today.... starting with the worst of the worst.
Ambiguous Concurency Programming in C++ (did i learn anything in this course? guess we'll find out in an hour or two...).
Followed immediately by Combinatorics And Optimization ('no no no... this is how you take an average! you just have to use derivatives!' or better yet, 'are you sure that's a maximumal matching? maybe you should examine the minimum cover first')
woo-hoo.
bloody rediculous. my head is over flowing with all sorts of great interesting formulas..... Did you know that p-q+s=2? I better know that interesting fact (and oh so many many more) come two o'clock this afternoon.
well, at least from about 12 o'clock on (when I'm done that CS exam) the day will only get better.....
of course it doesn't help that kevin and jesse will be sitting on a patio as of......... ohhhh...... 11:15...... and I'll still be finishing my frist exam of the day...... then doing a quick review (because I'm such a slacker, the time put into this reveiw will hopefully equal the time put into studying for C&O in the first place) .......... then writing another exam......
I'd complain about my day being shitty, but then I might forget something about a Semaphore or a Task or something......
later.
oh, and for those of you who might have been fooled by jesse and jono, the 'pure math memory game' isn't as fun as they make it out to be. it's like trivial pursuit but without any alcohol or quiet enforcing roommates.
Speaking of roommates, the lack of love around here just continues to get better and better. One of them decided around 1 am last night that they really really wanted to start vacuming. :) This was absolutely hilarious in my opinion, because I think they waited that late to try and extract some sort of 'revenge'.
as if I cared.
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So I was thinking...The majority of visitors to the swank site are residents of either Saskatchewan or Ontario. And all of you likely have misconceptions about both provinces. Obviously most people would root for their own province, but I'd like to help clear up some misconceptions (at least ones about the superior province, just kidding). Saskatchewan is not all prairie...in fact there are four different EcoRegions. Saskatchewan has some of the best white water rafting in the world, as well as the world's largest white sand deposit (the Athabasca Sand Dunes).
I know all this because Saskatchewan also has the world's best parks website. (Although Ontario's is pretty good too). You should all visit it at http://www.saskparks.net
In case you can't tell this is a shameless plug for the work I've been doing for the past four months (sorry to disappoint, I'm not really a sock).
Anyway if you don't visit my site or at least tell 10 people about it in the next 30 minutes you will get cancer of the bum.
socky!
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watch out, pretty girls!
the jessman and his team of monkeys have been working around the clock on clever, cute and charming lines to woo all you fine ladies. Here's my amazing, fresh line for the summer:
jesse: "Is your name Wanda?
pretty girl: "umm... no."
jesse: "Can I call you Wanda?"
pretty girl: "you can call me whatever you want, I guess!"
jesse: "'well I'm going to need your phone number if I'm going to call you, Wanda!"
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After participating in the PMATH memory game I have decided that our exam was extremely lame. I was able to recite, regurgitate and recall most answers straight from the textbook, while my ability to understand and apply was unused! Shit, if I wanted to just memorize a textbook why the fuck did I enroll in mathematics?
In more cheerful news, we're shipping my SLACKER ass back to Saskatchewan at the end of the week - oh boy!
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Ladies and gentlemen the time has arived, back by lack of demand, its the PMATH memory game. This final edition of the game will include contestants dancing graham, jesse and his dinasaur pal, kev and yours truely.
This memory game will test our players on a vast array of random questions from around 150 pages of a specific text (unless the designer desides to mess with us and ask other stuff). This game will not only challenge our competors memory, but also challenge their whits as they fight their delerium and boredum during the all out 3 hours of hell!
Going away prizes include pieces of paper with smiling faces drawn by me and a good old fashion slap on the ass for the loser, aka person who memorized the least or couldn't handle the extreme pressure.
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Sadly last night may have been the last Phils of the term, but it was certainly a crazy evening. I must have been hit by people a good 50 times last night and bashed myself into a good 50 others.
I am starting to get used to having people in my trunk, I think we should make a bed or something in there so the trunk person can be more comfertable. And maybe add an intercom system.
I leave you with one question, why the hell do my nipples hurt? Was someone secretly purple nurpling me or something, one of em had a scab forming.... well later
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Gathering of drunkeness indeed...
Never have i ever seen the grinding of so called friends... enjoyable as it is
i applaud you all friendship is never a problem and if my friend duncan is any example having a sister is an asset...
To clairify my part in the evening, i abused many a lady and...man..
i enjoyed the pizza and shall enjoy the conversation about catholics and protestants those bastards
have a frigid weekend all
ps. studded condoms and vasiline work well on anything
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Well, it's been a little while since I posted so I might as well post drunk. It is quite clear that the Jessman had a good night out, as he forgot that jono I and were also there. If I were not happily drunk, I would be sad and feel left out. Oh, who am I kidding...not only would I not feel sad or left out, when the hell would I been seen in public sober? That's just wrong really. Cheers and jeers to you all. And passing out in my bed for me.
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phriday phil's report
with Jesse Wilson
for Phriday April 12, 2002 |
well it has been a while but the jessman has made his triumphant return to phil's phriday's. what do i have of boastfulness tonight? well it was good times because there was lots of plenty of friends old and new: sexy Guy, dancin' Graham, bloody Mills, partier Ashley, earth-lovin' Michelle, phil's lovin Sara, Eric, Matt and Matt, and even um a Marie from somewhere. Now that we know the cast I suppose I should get into the evening's plot: well um it was a pretty standard Phil's night, but the company was good. The musinatch was rockin' and I am a satisfied hot dancer. Oh yeah and there's a new band coming up someday called "me and jesse's band - look out; they are going to rock.
And finally I have one piece of advice: go get your ass drunk and go skateboarding when you are fuckocked. It is like so damn good I do not know. But it is good times. I settle my happy jessman ass satisfied on this phil's phriday.
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drucken post #1 (but only because I beat jesse, kevin, and mills home)
phils. ~ You rock.
jesse, kevin, mills. ~ way to upset henry (my noise sensitive exam prone roommate)
guy ~ way to pass out on your floor instead of walking two more steps to your room.
me ~ quit being such a geek and pass out already.
later!!
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Ok I'm done... apparently I got kicked out of the bar last night... reasons unknown... since I can't remember a bloody thing... I think I am gonna give up this drinkin thing... at least till tomorrow!!
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Teddy bear mills has got a limerick for you jerrasic park snake
I've got you on my death list
you'll be nocked off when i get pissed
You'll always know who i'll kill
As your girlfriend is getting filled
By a man made jagged pill
beware the man named mills
Have a poeticly sound weekend
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roar roar I am excited about the stubbies I am. I have composed another limerick for you all today:
Hope we're on her karma list;
she only wants to harm the pissed.
She forgets her skills
when swapping pills:
beware - the curious pharmacist!
roar roar this limmerick should make you paranoid! think of how much bad shit could happen if your pharmacist is having a bad day! you say, "My girlfriend won't get pregnant!" but do you trust her pharmacist? roar roar now I go chew on some rubber car tires like gum.
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Well a revolution that we young citizens never saw will be returning to our fine earth. Our right to drink will becomming more interesting very soon. You ask yourself how could you possibly make drinking any more fun. Well prepare your self for the return of the stubby bubbily.
Comming to a beer and or liquor store neer you.
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HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!
Either I'm an arogent loud asshole, or my roommates (excluding Guy) are bloody sleep-wussing-pricks!
SERIOUSLY! It's like I'm in a god damn residence again with my Don enforcing quiet hour! Except it's not my don walking around complaining! It's my bloody roommates!
I've already been quieted TWICE this evening and once this afternoon! and another pre-emptive be quiet Monday night................... it's really starting to upset me!
I'm really NOT that unreasonably loud!
No one's complained before!
DAMNIT!
So yeah, this is my very own screw ya all mr. and mrs. BE QUIET roommates.
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Note to sleepers,
If you wake up and look down and can see your behind you may have a reason to panic.
And Graham, I didn't know that, mind if I come over and pour some water on your keyboard to test it out?
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note to all you computer users out there.
pouring an excessively large amount of water on your keyboard, and then watching it stop working is no reason to panic.
just go to sleep and everything will be fine in the morning.
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ah, 5:38pm....good morning to you all!
Sunday partying is an interesting concept....and one that will require further investigation, I assure you...
Hey look, that punk over at the "kevim" link finally posted to his damn blog....what a slacker...
cheers, and cellphones for all...
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Wow Clay.
You're posting quite a lot.
I think I can speak for both Jesse and I when I say that we're disapointed with not getting to see the most popular kid on campus.
But having missed that oportunity gave us the chance to realize how really really rediculously good looking I am.
which, all in all, I'd say was a fair trade.
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Well ya know... Drink Drink Friday lived up to its name... but dammit Sexual Saturday is just not living up to its name...
2nite was ok... came home early again... people here and there having to be home before 4 dammit!!
Anyhow just thought I would let everyone know that I lived through another weekend and I haven't killed all my liver off yet...
Slacker Clay... the Slacker... is still here ....
Have a nice sober sunday everyone...
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roar roar i will try to write some graham sucks limmericks real soon but first I must eat some more yummy chickens
does anyone know words that rhyme with pharmacist? i'm trying to write something beautiful but evil under the title "the curious pharmacist" and I accidentally ate my rhyming dictionary with the mailman
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FOR SALE '96 cavelier.....
free ice cream to the first 20 customers!
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phriday phil's report
with Jesse Wilson
for Phriday April 5, 2002 |
um so uh here's the deal. don't draw a six, don't draw an ace, and whatever you do, don't draw a four. the jessman was spanking his naked ass around the UTM circle of sensuality today during an out-of-control game of socialbles. i don't think it is my fault at all, but somehow i was the only one down to wearing only his left hand in the game.
um . . . more graham sucks limericks would be excellent in this situation - please do it up mr. roar. Also we got some skeleton action from some of your distant relatives at the ROM this fabulous friday. no phils, i am sorry. i'll be back soon I promise.
oh yeah and someone better put an eye on CJ as apparently he doesn't realize that he is a sensitive boy with a breakable heart. talk y'all later.
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One last note...
Thank you Miller kid for the wrestle in the snow.. I am soaken wet and freazin!! Guys snow wrestling is a bad idea... now bed wrestling... I don't think it can get any better!!
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New post... again...
Tonight is over officially... had a pretty good time at Killer Miller's... drank some Colt 45... drank some Vodka... drank some vodka mixed with crown... have decided that at this point anything will taste good enough to be drunk..... also a huge booo goes out to the so called slacker mark... for not going to tumblers and having to go home... booo mark boo... I am shamed... but I still love you.... a big yeah goes out to anyhow who decided that walking home tonight was a good idea!! Guess I should sleep...
Note to self: Tomorrow night... buy two colts and thats it... 8 bucks worth of being stupid drunk!
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Post post post post post.......... man am I ever amazing... or incredibly bored....
Anyhow the firebird is cool... the flames are cool... but ed... flamers aren't cool....
Anyhow everyone have an excellent drink drink friday...
And country boy drinking tip #1 Puking is just making room so you can keep drinking... remember that and everything will be fine...
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Threats, bitching and generally being an asshole is purely the jurisdiction of all males...
Sadly as your clicke gets larger so do the assholes that post on this second rate site..
Anyway notice how swank has been progressivly changing..?
I say rock on jesse..
but please
make these women naked..?
Partake yourselves on a nudist day
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Mr Sock......
You are a wuss... a huge wuss... someone should nickname you something like meat.... or ya know make a crack about you being real good at beatin the skin.... christ... if your not gonna bitch about people I just might have to start... course than I am gonna need a new face... I am too nice looking ;-)
Pull your toque down I can still see your face!!
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I think I have found the answer to all you problems Jesse... You just have too much camel toe going on....
Anyhow since no one including Jesse has any idea as to what I am talking about ... check this shit out...
Gimme some Camel Toe!
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roar roar it is time to rhyme with your favourite carnivore:
I think it is quite the pity
that lately the weather's been shitty.
'Cause I have more fun
when out comes the sun:
it seems the girls are more pretty!
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I'd like to comment on the now large number of people posting on this site.
You're thinking, "oh great, the fucking ass hole is going to bitch again", but you are WRONG! ....jerks...
Actually I think it's great. I'd usually be bored out of my mind at work or school (ps I'm not really ed the sock, in case you're a complete moron and actually thought I was) and I go to swank to see what is going on in the great cities of Waterloo and Regina. Basically it's good to kill time, and is occasionaly funny.
In the past the site would only have new posts every couple of days...now there are several posts per day, encouraging me (and the other 20 people that come here) to come several times per day.
So even if some of you are smelly (mark) or perpetually drunk (clay, jesse, etc.) it entertains me to hear your outlooks on life.
Well thats it...sorry I haven't been bitching much lately, I'm just so fucking HAPPY!!!
bye!
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I'm with clay!!! Who the fuck are you!
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Ummmm...... no not worth the effort.....
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note to self.......
it may seem like a good idea at first to put off assignments till the last day but it really isn't that much fun pulling an all nighter to finish the ass-ighnment!
That is all
good night all
colonel rocks!!
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As nice as it would be for you guys to discover this on your own, we're all slackers here. And as slackers, we must band together in times of need such as this one. Observe the new slacker in the club at the bottom of this very page. This time saving message brought to you by me, and although I'm normally too lazy to alert others to news, I was already logged in. To slacking!
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