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Slacker West thanks Slacker East for considering and following through with our criticism.
Oh yeah and it is snowing like a mother fucker again,,,,,,
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Why is there a fucking Ford Focus on the site?
I in no way support any project by Ford other than the Mustang
"Slacker Clay agrees"
Vans are cool Focus is not
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phriday phil's report
with Jesse Wilson
for Phriday March 29, 2002 |
unfortunately the jessman has no phils, nor any super fantastic fuckaness to report on this quiet friday. at 6 o'clock tomorrow, the regular season of winter 2002 term at waterloo will be all done. damn - the terms are getting shorter, leaving me with less time to pursue the cute girls of our busy campus.
oh and i will miss the fallen datsun. . .
Once upon a time, myself and another asshole were riding in the back of that fine 1981 sports car. We each had a fully loaded Super Soaker to celebrate the sunny day. Because there are no seats in the back, we were lying down and our waterguns hung out the hatch. Mark drove us around and we douched each dehydrated roller blader that we passed. It was a great afternoon. I'll miss you, 280-Z.
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Greetings let again trailer kings
let no one say that classics is boring
think of it wine orgies the Romans had it all
although there was no orgy for me, sigh
my department rocks, so what if it is full of old guys
oggling young bosoms...
so be it, they are just like jesse...
oh well
have a turpestuous day all
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Goodbuy Old "Z"
Hello New "Z"
As of 2:30 the ledgendary Z was towed off my lot.
I do not see this as the end of an era, more of a new beggining to new and exciting things to come.
The Z will always be remembered in my heart
We will miss you old girl.
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Hello Boys,
After successfully setting my username as " ", and ranting for over a year to get this damn face on Swank, this is my first post.
rant rant rant
cheers,
kev
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HOW YOU DOING!
Hey it's your bro Colonel Sanders! I was searching the net again today and have found my new number one site www.cumfeista.com. I would recommend checking out Sloans video it rocks! Anyways that is all I have to say about that. Talk to you guys later and hey remember to visit your local KFC.
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Wow.
Saw Waking Life again last night.
Still amazing.
but it was this that laughed my ass out of bed and into class this morning.
Thanks to the true slacker who made it up.
they're a real leader for all you wannabe slackers out there.
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This just in, Rob Talbot has been striped of his medals for trying too hard during the Slacker Olympics, therefore we have unanomously decided to make me the winner of the Slacker Olympics for winning the fewest medals, 1 bronze.
I would like to thank all of the judges for making this moment possible, there will be something nice waiting for you in your mailbox when you get home, wink wink....
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All right the results are in
The winner for this years
Slack-O-limpics is
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Rob Talbot
Congratulations Rob
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 So anyway, I was lying over there across the room in my bed when I realized I wasn't really that sick anymore.
I was so not-that-sick-anymore that I was actually starting to get bored.
scary I know.
But I wasn't convinced that I was all better yet. So maybe it was just the room and bed that I was getting bored of and not my normal concious thinking mind coming back to me.
So I decided to go take a nap in the shower for a change of scenary.
And that was good for about an hour.... but then that got boring too.....
so here I was thinking that maybe I'm not-that-sick-anymore.
So I started thinking about the Slacker Van and all the different things that could be done to it.... mainly the interrior.
And then I started wondering what the internet would do if they could design the inside of the Slacker Van.
So I drew this up. Ready for you (the internet) to print off and take to class to draw on for your own amusment
:)
Have fun drawing.
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Yes i too would like to heckle Jesse
for he is a awful tasting human paite
Leave Graham alone
just because he's got some desease does not mean
that a girl gave it to him...
For that matter what disease did you get when you were
getting your soul sucked out by that phils chick?
genital herpes?
Oh well rock on you pornno fiend
Have a non homo-erotic week
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Lucky for us Jesse's attempts at being able to track all of our web surfing activities when viewing this site was foiled. But little does Jesse know that I can track his activities while he's online..... Jesse is looking at porn right now!
And beware because his porno spam may be on its way to you right now! Beware the porno spam...........
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roar roar I have new limmerick about my buddy graham's weekend hangover:
On Saturday, a lot you drinked.
The girl, she danced and she winked.
You took her to bed,
and now you feel dead.
It's no wonder that you're extinct.
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phriday phil's report
with Jesse Wilson
for Phriday March 22, 2002 |
it's the jessman and it's friday and it's phil's and it's all good. there was like so much more fun at Phil's pub than ethel's shitty lounge man. like here's ethels lounge: crap crap. And here's Phil'ls: SUPER FANTASTIC FUCKANESS! And so like the jessman is doing pretty good. Some girl there was kissing me and it's not my fault and
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so um what are you doing on April 19th? you're not going to davey M, he's a real jerk I hear! Instead, you should visit naomi at laurier: there will be lots of hot laurier girls there! And afterwards, pizza and beer at the grad pub! what a fine way to dispense with final exams!
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your favourite speaking dinosaur is back with another limerick for your tuesday enjoyment. This one is a bit of a downer - perfect for these shitty days of March when all we're looking forward to is preparing our dinosaur asses for exams!
What I want, no one lets me;
being without it always gets me
down. You won't ever find
me without it on my mind.
All I wanted was a Pepsi.
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i have long been thinking about what cool art I should make for the cover of SLACKER's next swank trax release... Since the original, swank trax covers have showcased the pretty faces of the SSS crew, and it would be just crazy of me to try anything different in 2002. And since our coreldraw faces worked well last year, I wanna use the same style of art for this year's disc. Today I decided what us four boys should be doing on the cover: playing cards drunk and naked! In case your imagination is broken, I have drawn up a prototype of what you can look forward to in May or June of 2002:
Don't forget to register to secure yourself a copy!
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Alright well I thought I should post something since I haven't for quite some time and the last one was a drunken ramble...
Anyhow I have no got to see Resident Evil yet... sounds like a good flick... this weekend was filled with the same old but the same old never gets boring... this weekends events included such things as nude 100m dash, beer chuggin(an old fav), and the odd round of running away from the sober people who want you to stop being an ass....
So another weekend well spent... oh and one quick note for all you would be mooners... be careful... hanging your ass out of a window at 60km can result in frost bite!!! So be careful... its all fun and games till someone freezes their ass....
And waterloo... you people can have some of this damn snow... I am gettin pissed... at this rate I am never gonna get to skate... you take half the snow and it will be gone twice as fast then!!!
Anyhow I gots to go... and Jesse... don't be lonely... be drunk just don't be lonely K? The women will realize what they are missing soon enough and then you'll have to beat them off ;-)
Later
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phriday phil's report
with Jesse Wilson
for Phriday March 15, 2002 |
well 'tis freaky friday once again, and as per usual the jessman is reporting to you - you the readers of swank - like a drunk, drunk disheartened man. Your hero made it back to Phil's pub; this time it was with sidekick jono only. What do I have to report? Minimal lesbian activity was had this evening unfortunately. Jessman had pleasant time talking to haircutter Sara, she be good time. Jesse try smoke cigarette but unfortunately Jesse still too much coward and such and Jesse can't smoke la tee da da da. Phil's was good time. Jesse drunk.la tee da da da. I failed to convince cute girls that Resident Evil was scary movie, and that as such I needed them to take care of me tonight. I drunk, lonely boy tonight. Goodnight.
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My review of Resident Evil is as follows:
My god,...
that is a sweet movie yes it is scary and well done..
holy is mila hot...when is she not nude?
zombies zombies zombies
you make me scared
thus the movie was excellent
And beware the Ides of March
have a zombified day
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the latest in the jessman's email inbox shows that SLACKER SOUND SISTIMS is taking the University of Waterloo by storm! Soon every lunchlady Doris will be outfitted in stylish SLACKER phashion.
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roar roar i have written a new limerick for you and all the delicious cows
I'll come to the movie Mills,
to learn of Resident Evils.
'Cause getting all scared
is how I get prepared
when I'm going to go see Phils!
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Well Mr. Mills, even if we sometimes find all your bloodies and yos irritating, at least you do have a sense of humor....all I can say is that you seem pretty funny, but dammit, I don't want to have a perverted day, or an innocent day, or a purple flying monkey day!!!!
anyway....since I am an evil sarcastic ass hole, I guess I should make fun of someone on this post....so i'll attack colonel sanders....cuz everyone hates him....he may smell like chicken...but he tastes like ass!
bye!!!
sock
PS - (oh when can I stop this sharade)
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Friday
Resident Evil then Phils
be there or be like everone else
(Ed leave that other post up it was funny)
have a incontenent day
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phriday phil's report
with Jesse Wilson
for Phriday March 8, 2002 |
again, it is freaky friday. again, I am fucking drunk as fuck. But today it is with a different reason. I never made it to Phil's nightclub tonight as I was stranded in shittisauga, Toronto, Ontario. But shittisauga was good time. There is this cool girl here named Andrea and she is from Saskatoon and I promise I will remember who she is if the morning ever comes. And um life is good. My sister's laptop was successfully returned to the Future Shop after its brief trip to the little mermaid in the sea. School has told me that it is time to focus on cs342 in order to gain passing grades. Naomi blew my ass off, so I'll be hitchin' it to 52 col. st. w. in the fall. life is . . . good.
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lets all just be real, huh?
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And those last two posts were brought to you directly out of the ramblings of a drunk... I appologize but I can not be held accountable for what beer makes me do....
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Yo this, is no post to promote any accomplisment of mine. That is for jess to do
This is just a note of three things
Kernel of the sticky thighs and the other guy you may be supreme womanizers but your all talk
2 does this background not give you a migrane
3 the blood that you are to send- see side mailing list- is going to me not to jesse give me your blood
Have a painful yet amusing day all..
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Day 9
Jesse That deserves a medal. Mr Swank Graham and crew recieved some medals. Jesse got the record for fastest to spill the beer in his stomatch
(Only two hours you think that he was born in the east. Just joking Jesse I would never insult you like that) Graham got a silver for swimming drunk apparently he was in hot persuit of a hot lifeguard. The two were making out when the lifeguard relazed he was drunk and kicked him out of the pool. Good job, getting kicked out of something for drunk and disorderly behaviour is fun and deserves extra marks. Also the Slacker curling team won the B-side finals. Now when I think of winning the B-side I think bronze but the Slacker team demands they got the silver so we decided to give them both. Congratulation to all the teams. Oh yes and Mark Wilson recieved Three gold medals two bronze and a silver becuase he dictates who gets the medals.
In other news Jesse Wilson was caught in a blood doping scandal when he was found with insanely high levels of the performance inhancing drug Beefcake 2000. He was going to be stripped of all his medals but we found that this was a sport and we game him a gold.
| Gold | Silver | Bronze |
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| Bryan Chernick | 1 | 1 | 1 | | Andrew Mills | 1 |
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| | Graham Cale | 2 | 2 | 1
| | Colonel Sanders | 1 |
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| | Ed the Sock |
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| | Clay Lawless |
| 1 |
| | Tuong Mao | 1 |
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| | Mark Wilson | 4 | 2 | 2
| | John and Andrew |
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so this great dream i was having this morning was interrupted: knock, knock, "don't you have a midterm or something this morning?"
Well the climaxima flexed its frosty iron muscles, beaming me from a smiling bed at 8:23 to a frowning exam at 8:37.
On an unrelated note: if you haven't already, check out SLACKER phashion, our catalog of stylish garments which you may purchase.
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Ever play the PMATH memory game? It goes like this, a prof gives you 60 pages of your textbook, and you have to memorize every single thing on every single page. Then he asks you random questions such as what was on page 45 or, what is Kamata's theorem. Its a hoot, comes down to who happened to memorize what he asks... Graham, myself, Jesse and Kevin all participated in this event, however it is unknown whether the results will make it in by the end of the Slacker Olympics.
Anyone interested in playing the PMATH memory game, let me know, you can play my next round.
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Day 7
Quite a few medals handed out this weekend. Mostly in the Drinking categories. Slacker Clawless won the Vodka contest, he would have probably recieved a perfect score but he mixed the drinks with Sunny Delight. Team "I wanna be drunk but I have no money" Made up of Mark Wilsons sisters friends won the event based on the most amount of alcohol stolen in one place at one time. Mark Wilson came in second. Team "Marks Wilsons carpet and floor" made up of 100% non recycled material came in third. Please check out Jesse's last post on for all the great events. Oh yes and Tuong Mao won the singles sicronized swimming event at Bryan Chernicks pool. Mark Wilson came in second becuase the judged didn't appreciate his last manover. When Mark demanded a rematch he was granted his request too bad he had another beer and passed out.
| Gold | Silver | Bronze |
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| Bryan Chernick | 1 | 1 | 1 | | Andrew Mills | 1 |
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| | Jesse Wilson | 2 |
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| | Graham Cale | 1 | 1 |
| | Colonel Sanders | 1 |
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| | Ed the Sock |
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| | Clay Lawless |
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| | Tuong Mao | 1 |
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| | John and Andrew |
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phriday phil's report
with Jesse Wilson
for Phriday March 1, 2002 |
tonight phil's was a happening place. unfortunately I have no lesbians to report. with respect to the slackolympics, the following great events occured: Dancin' graham scored a solid 8.6 in the Jimmy Eat World dance-mosh-a-thon. John and Andrew tied with a 2.3 in the male pairs aggressive dancing figure skating dancingness without skates. And finally, Jesse 'medium dong' Wilson received a gold for finding $20 in the 'get lucky' competition.
Jesse's drunken personals:
hello Jodie: you should not have gone to Rev, you missed good times.
hello Lex Luther: you have cool hair, I think you are cool. I hope you come back to phils someday soon!
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Well Ed I am sorry that you do not like me. Perhaps you are upset, that you are not like my friends and I .We get to eat chicken and all you get is fish. It's not my fault or anyone else’s that your girlfriend is, dirty and that your dick is the size of a china man's.
Ed I understand your troubles, and I feel that since you feel this way about me we should have a one on one championship title match this weekend. That's right Ed you and the Old Colonel Sanders at the biggest event in the history of SLAKER OLYMPICS. DO you smell what Colonel Sanders is cooking Ed.
I hope that you are not afraid Mr. Sock and I hope you have a nice day.
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Day 4
Allright in the recent Slack-O-lympics shittiest fake celebrity event ( which was only judged by one person or should I say sock) The Colonel got the highest score of the games a 6.1. There was some questions from the media whether this was a fair event but odviously The sock man has a problem with the cock man and the Colonel walked away with a gold medal and by default which happens to be the best two words in the English dictionary Ed walks away with the silver. Congratulations to both of you.
| Gold | Silver | Bronze |
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| Bryan Chernick | 1 | 1 | 1 | | Andrew Mills | 1 |
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| | Jesse Wilson | 1 |
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| | Graham Cale |
| 1 |
| | Colonel Sanders | 1 |
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| | Ed the Sock |
| 1 |
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copyright (c) 1999-2002 slacker sound sistims
