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Alright swank people,
Wouldn't the purpose of slack-olympics be to see who can slack the MOST???
In which case, all of the losers who entered (especially the guy who got 3 medals already) would not be slackers....the real slackers are the people who haven't entered AT ALL!!!!
Also I would like to give an unanimous GOLD to The colonel in shittiest fake celebrity on swank.ca!
Smelly Sock
PS Fuck you Colonel Sanders! You and your chicken eating friends!
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new band of the minute: saves the day
my introduction to them: opened at Weezer Concert on Valintines Day
sound like: kinda like newfoundglory......
sample songs: holly hox, forget me not and the last lie i told
and to all slack-o-lympics 'athletes' I just wanna congratulate you. and add that I hope to check swank.ca on monday and read lots about all the events people might win over the weekend.
later........
and enjoy.
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Day 3
I would like to thank Jesse for taking the innitiative to post his events. I would also like to encourage anyone else to post there results
Sorry for forgeting about day 2 but here we are for day 3. We have a few winners today and a few events quickly comming to a close. The shopping relay managed to purchase over 100 dollars without more than two wheels ever touching the ground. We remind everyone that there is a 2.15 point reduction if a third wheel ever touches. With the 100 dollars and bonus points for impressing the cashier Jesse and his relay team managed a 5.8. This event comes to a close in two days. Also The Kitchen scateboarding competition still needs a silver and bronze, also hoola hoop still needs a bronze.
So as it stands
| Gold | Silver | Bronze |
|---|
| Bryan Chernick | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Andrew Mills | 1 | | |
| Jesse Wilson | 1 | | |
| Graham Cale | | 1 | |
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slackolympics update
day 3 of the slackolympics had the following events:
kitchen skateboarding: the only participant in this year's kitchen skateboarding event was a sap named Jesse Wilson. Okay so here's the question - the kitchen is like damn small, and there's almost no reason why anyone should fall down. But Jesse managed to fall down in the kitchen (for the second time, I add), and hurt his ass. He wasn't even landing a cool trick or anything. What a fuckhead. Anyways, since he was the only participant we must hesitantly give him the gold.
nasty hoolahoop: andrew mills won gold by choosing a pair of small plastic dinosaurs for his hoolahoop in this event. The event works like this: the chosen item(s) are placed in the athlete's underwear; the athlete then proceeds to hoola-hoola until the object falls out the bottom of his or her pant leg. Runner up was dancin' graham with a fleet of volkswagens. Apparently he is still searching for one of the Jettas.
More mayhem is sure to come later in the slackolympics. Meanwhile, please check out a tentative graphics for SLACKER's summer phashion - our new beach symbol dealy at slacker binary resources.
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So today the old colonel was surfing the net! I first started at my favorite site www.bangbus.com. I decided to share this wonderful site with everybody because it is where I get my laughs for the day and a lot more. Anyway I would like to say good luck to everyone in the slacker Olympics and I will talk to you all another time.
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Day 1
Well I hope that you all saw the opening ceremonies there was a problem though, the television broadcasters and the retards down at CBC accidentally called it the Olympic Closing Ceremonies. Sorry for the confusion. Anyways the first two events in the Slack-o-lympics have began. Bryan Chernick has gave us a very good show in the ski jump competition pre-lim's, jumping over eight skis. Once again Bryan Chernick has taken the gold, silver and bronze in the newly instated Shannon Sport event. There were no television cameras present that we know of so we can not show you any highlights from this event. And finally Bryan Chernick has scored a 4.5 in the watching Olympic Hockey event. This is a horrible score for Bryan and we are sure that others will have a much better preformance. The Shangpanchengiwan judge gave a crushing 3.1 to Bryan and yes once again the Russian judge was too drunk to care so Bryan came away with a very dissapointing score.
So as it stands the medals:
| Gold | Silver | Bronze |
|---|
| Bryan Chernick | 1 | 1 | 1 |
Please write your results up on Swank.ca or Email them to me @ mark@swank.ca
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News in From Slacker Central
Now without consulting anyone else in Slacker there are a few very exciting things that we have planned for the future
Starting tommorrow with the oppening ceremonies we will be holding the first Slack-o-lympics. Events will be held when ever you want and will be judged on the basis of your honesty and how much we like you. Tell us how fast you ran, skated or what ever, how far or good you jumped the events are up to you. Be creative. You can enter all the events more than once. Remember we do hope that you enter traditional events but if you have a special tallent that you think should be a Slack-o-lympic event please enter how well you did. If you are entereing something like ski jumping tell us what you did and how well and we will decide on your mark.
Slacker will also be holding the first annual equivelant to the Grammies. We are trying to get Ed the Sock to host but we might have to settel for Scoobie Do and Shaggie. Your nominations for best songs in any category you can think of will be reviewed by a panell of judges and probably thrown out. This is our way to justify how shitty the music scene is these days. Nominations will be accepted until March 7. The winners will then be announced and possibly made in to a CD
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oh no! 'looks like Victoria 2002 is not going to be a reality for this slacker. . . I just received conformation that I'll be hacking at the Bank of Montreal in Toronto all summer. Toronto isn't San Diego, but the job will be something I really enjoy. I'll get to show myself 31337.
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there's a bunch of people who write more insightful, better commentary on life than us slackers here at swank.ca. Weblogs are like the public showers of the Internet , where people expose the trivial details about themselves in ascii. Anyways my initial reaction was, "wow there are a lot of people with just as much time to waste as myself!" I soon I discovered that there's some actual good shit out there, courtesy of um -$1.
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Speed reading week is good. tonight was to Queen o' the Damned film and Phil's nightclub. I shall provide an intoxicated boy's view on some women of interest at the nightclub:
the unattainables: some high-maintenance hot girls who are 'out of the league' of a drunken rock-n-roller like myself. I apply broad generalizations to make myself feel better: these girls are probably stupid, easy, and shallow.
the big-nose girls: of this set is only a minority with mishapen sniffers. These girls are good candidates for hot bodies, great conversations and - unfortunately - paper bags. Put me in category number one with the shallows please.
the drunken desperates: this group is composed of material which would be sure to satisfy for the short-term only. Highlights of the evening include a couple of trashed girls kissing one another for the entertainment of others. 'Solid party material.
'Well now that I have revealed my vanity, I suppose it is time to report that I am just some lost guy who made his way to Jesse's house for an evenings' rest. It was a fun night; I attempt to sensationalize and controversialize it for your enjoyment.
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well that evening went well...
queen of the damned is going down as one of the best vampire movie's in my mind...
music and mayhem and vampire what else can someone like me ask for?
Phils was also decent i must say.... Jesse got his lesbians and graham got to look at pre....neverming he was dancin as only a dancin graham can...
And i was in a decent mood gothic(or at least as close as i could come) clothing and a great movie...
Have a wicked yet comical, day or moonlite night
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boy-o what madness . . . who would have thought that so much schoolwork could accumulate during a few short days in Quebec?
Before dinner I submitted the last of this week's bitchy bitch assignments. The deadlines have all passed, and I get to recover during my four day weekend. Without getting too technical, I'll try to summarize my pains:
logic sucks
language theory sucks way more than logic
micro c++ sucks so much! Using it is more painful than grinding a dull cheese grater over your chest, saving the pea-sized balls of flesh only to scatter them about the air like confetti while chanting "happy reading week!"
well i guess i've made my complaint for the day... time to go bask in the freedom of sweet sweet reading week!
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Assignment in 10 minutes before the due date for late assignments, who's on the ball!
Ever notice how in high school when you had to make presentations, you would have to do a lot of crap to make your presentation interesting or you would get a bad mark? Well then why don't University profs have to do things to make clas interesting? The following is a great example of something they could do to liven things up...
A professor was teaching his medical students that being very observant is an important part to being a good doctor. He takes out a jar of yellow liquid and says to his class, "This is urine. In order to be observant one must use each of his or her five senses." So the professor smells the urine, listens to the urine, looks at the urine, puts his index finger into the urine and than puts his finger into his mouth to show the class him tasting the urine. The class is grossed out when he then tells the class that he is going to pass the urine around and that each student should follow his example. Reluctantly, the class all follows the professors instructions trying to make a good impression. Finally after everyone has tasted the urine the professer says: "Now then, if you had all been observant, you would hvae noticed that I placed my index finger into the urine and my middle finger into my mouth."
Now thats a lesson you won't soon forget. And hey, you could threaten to go to the dean and learn a valuable lesson on black male.
Have a great Reading Week All!
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Has anyone else noticed that this page is just one big sausage party?
Losers...
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Alright all of you waterloo residents we are trekin it out to the theatre on Friday to see the new vampire movie with fangs and death and all that disrespect for life and i expect some of you to be there..
if not i will suck...
..your blood
if so inclined call 749-5710(mills)
And no this venture has nothing to do with my date contest that will be coming up soon enough...(instructions to follow)
Have a foul day
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well, since jesse's already talked about the ski trip, i'm not going to post a me too message... but the trip did rock.
So yeah, we went to weezer on thursday. valintines day.
Oooooooooooo Rivers Cuomo won't you be our valintine..........
anyway, the concert also rocked, but I'm too much of a slacker to write about it.
so go here and scroll down until you find the entry for 02/14/02 to read about the show.
oh, and if you look really really closely, you might just see jesse and I in some of the pictures taken from that night.
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Aww shit.
turns out that everything that feels good, even sleep, is bad for you.
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check out our home-made Quebec pornography. It's a bunch of pictures from my amazing skitrip to Mont Tremblant, Quebec with Amanda, Graham and some cool guy named Scott. It really was a magic weekend. Sunday's slopes were powder perfect. I hope to take as many slackers as possible with me for a sequel visit in 2003!
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Quebec was fucking amazing. We kept a star-trek style log of all the weekend's activities; I played captain, graham did up first commander and Amanda boldly goed as second commander. Review it and prepare for next year!
Photos will be up soon - they are damn sexy also! But right now I've got shitloads of homework to catch up on!
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clay, your friends love you.
but no sex, sorry.
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Well hello to you all.... I just wanted to wish everyone who will be spending Valentine's alone a happy Valentines day...
Really you should go out and buy yourself chocolates or somethin... I am going to be studying so I feel for you....
I know that you are probably all gonna be sitting around missing the one you loved but now they don't give a damn... so I say lets all party about being single.... at least that I what I think I need...
To hell with Valentines... its just another corporate holiday to steal your money... like I was thinking I would go out to the flower shop and buy the one I love roses.... but then I thought man would that be a complete waste of money considering no one loves me... besides the people that have to.. but you get my point.. and wouldn't it be dumb to go buy flowers for someone who didn't care!! That's what I thought...
But I guess Valentines day is the day to tell the one you care about how you feel... I guess if you are brave enough give er a good go..
Really, don't listen to me though... I am just some guy on a webpage bitter at the world hahahah.....
Hope everyone reading this post single or not has a wonderful valentines day for or suprises and romance and all that other BS...
Sorry bout the bitterness... someday I hope to lose it..
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It seems to me that Graham here is tring to replace jesse' sweet post where in we can all see that Graham has a foul mouth..
It also seems to me that my roomate Bob Hall should no longer hold the title of Broken neck Bob for he has recieved an even better name.
Small Crotch Bob. This is the name that will forevermore be assigned to him.
If he says anything just say blah blah blah
ps. even though i may wish pain upon you
i only wish it in comical ways
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well you've missed your window to get a hold of my pick of the day (see post below this one) but fret not, I'm tossing around ideas of making this something of a regular thing....... (though I did appreicate the fact that I used up two days bandwidth yesterday while that file was avalible....) Thanks random people! :)
hope you enjoy your 'free' song.
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as amused as everyone is by random outbursts, here's some slacker style music to listen to while reading swank.
availble for a short limited time only! (as it's hosted on my computer and I'm only willing to sacrifice a LITTLE bandwidth)
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this is funny. it is an excerpt from my ICQ history:
swank jesse: oh yeah shitty news I did the wrong assignment for PMATH . . . I did #3, we are supposed to do #2 apparently
turtleneck: ??????? What?!?
swank jesse: whoops
swank jesse: how embarassing
turtleneck: haven't you done this before?
turtleneck: ARAGH! You jackass!
turtleneck: I've done the wrong assignment NOW TOO!
turtleneck: BECAUSE YOU PRINTED OFF THE WRONG ONE!
swank jesse: yeah that is funny sorry
turtleneck: jackass.
turtleneck: fucking hell.
turtleneck: fucking bitch sucking mestratating pussing cumming fuckfaced jackass!
turtleneck: sigh.
swank jesse: yeah that is halarious man I can't contain myself haahahahahaha hahaha hahah I fucked up . . . so YOU fucked up . . . ahhaahah ahha hahah ha ahah ha ha ha
turtleneck: get over here. and bring your pmath book. I'm doing that assignment tonight. or just send me the written questions if you wouldn't mind.
turtleneck: You'd think that being the smaller man that you are containing yourself would be no problem at all! fucker.
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Hey, Jono here with my first of many gripes...
Stats is boring, stats is gay, please make stats stay away...
I think I will spend the remainder of the weekend coming up with ways of getting out of my exam next week... So far the options are pay some guy to pull the fire alarm over and over again, create an army of robots to cause great damage to UW or maybe I'll just borrow Graham's time machine and worry about stats later when I feel like it..... Damn but than I still have to write it... Hey, but I'd have the answers at least...
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I have hearby decided that should I ever build a time-machine, it'll have a FLUX CAPACITOR in it.
Whether it needs it or not.
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so um last nite we did up phils... 'twas a good time. I re-assured myself that:
I have a good time with hard music
I have a good time with hard liquor
I have a hard time with good women!
oh i am all so um poetic it is good time.
In nerdy news, the slackerwww project has made good progress! we toyed with some ICQ functionality today, with mixed success. Stay tuned as we tear down the Internet, one line of code at a time.
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it's was a slow tuesday but i got some words:
we're goin' to an island in the sun for Valentine's day!
hey nerds - check out new evil computer projects on swank! we've got some good ideas. Maybe someday you'll upload an INSTANT JPEG for eternal fame
oh yes and in response to the colonel sanders' fiasco... I went into my deleted mail folder to fetch the first message from the colonel to resolve the mystery:
From: colonel s
Date: Wed Jan 02, 2002 10:45:56 AM US/Eastern
To: jesse@swank.ca
Subject: your website sucks
dear Jesse -
I was looking for my favorite magazine's website when I came across swank.ca. I was disappointed to find no young blond pussy, no secrets to getting 2 girls in bed, and no free hardcore video. I just wanted to let you know that your website sucks, and that it is a distraction for one-hand web surfers everywhere.
you suck,
Colonel S
...well anyway I replied to the message, telling him that because he didn't like swank.ca, he could do something about it! And that is how the colonel came to be.
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Well I am not going to start a war over those last comments from the Colonel. Number one: because I am a slacker and do not have the energy to fight with someone who is too afraid of real life to even expose themselves on the internet ( I'm guessing your an internet geak.) Number two: we are all friends here. Oh yeah and Shannon you are off the hook. I believe you, you are not the Colonel.
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Good Day Slackers!
MARK MARK MARK a little birdie told me that you would like the good old colonel to reveal himself. Well my friends I wont reveal myself but I would like to leave Mark a little Quote: "People who think sex is a pain in the ass should turn over”. I also decided to write a limerick to all the straight people out there.
There once was a man named Sinclair
who was fucking his girl on the stair.
The banister broke
and he quickened his stroke
and finished her off in mid air!
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I am the most intelligent person in the world blah blah blah..
I am not impressed by the lack of drinking on your parts gentlemen.
Here is a jaunty jig that all should know esspecially you intellectuals
I swine,
You swine,
we all swine
for ice wine
C.R. will always be the best
have a unhealthy week all
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Reveal yourself Colonel
we have found through research that Colonel Sanders died in 1980 which brings up the question who is this poser attempting to be our second most beloved mascot of all times. (no Ed even though we do enjoy your comentary you are not number one; its Ronald McDonald. Sorry dude. )
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Well here goes... another post by the always positive Lawless....... Anyhow I have to agree with mark.. the whole I am intellectual and stuff goes totally against the whole idea of this site... come on guys.... slackers... this is totally a place to vent... talk about procrastination not mental growth... fruity shit like that is why there is a house 77... where people can pretend they are cool and smart...
Anyhow I had an awesome weekend... many a festivity... many a beer drank on the prairie.... but now I need my rest... that is why sunday exists... so I will talk to you all later......
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jesse, it's not that we have better things to think about than school, booze, and boobies. it's just that we're talented enough to think about that AND life enlightening matterial.
mark, you've been exagerating? damn. cause ya know, I haven't been.
honestly, I am that big.
on an alcohol based note, I'm not sure if I was drunker than usual, or if Phil's is trying to lose it's "i'm a dark, cheep, dirty hole" reputation...
1/2 (and a bit) of house 77 just left. sounds like they had a good weekend in waterloo.... maybe they'll make a movie about it or something.
Meh, whatever
later intellecs, and drunks.
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I have to agree with the Jessman. Slacker was not started up to enlighten us about life, it is a place to bitch about it. Swank.ca is a place to brag to lie to exagerate and that is how it should remain. We receive to much mental stimulus at school to think out of school. Oh yeah and life is too short to care about it. So party hard and base you life around having fun. What is the point if you are not enjoying your self. If your life is shit remember cool stuff grows out of shit. Like barley, rye, potatoes and anyother stuff that you can make alcohol out of.
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apparently eddie and graham have better things to think about besides school, booze and boobies! well don't worry my fellow SLACKERs, the jessman will always keep you up to date on education, intoxication and titty-temptation.
today i'm hurting from the education side of things . . . Without getting too technical, I'll try to summarize my pains:
java sucks
c++ sucks way more than Java
micro c++ sucks so much! Using it is more painful than swallowing twelve pieces of dry paper, shoving a staplegun up your bum, stapling, and then caughing up a stapled report
well i think i've made my point for the day... take care, all you intellectuals!
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