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Hello all,
As you see my face you are probably thinking "What is this asshole going to bitch about now?"
Well you're wrong! (and fuck you for calling me an asshole)
I'm not here to bitch, but to commend Slacker Graham.
It's nice to see that someone is endorsing independent thinking. This site seems to focus on school, booze and boobs.
On the note of self improvement and being aware of what goes on around you, I suggest seeing Jello Biafra
Jello is the former lead singer of punk band the dead kennedys. Last year he was a presedential nominee for the green party. He does a very interesting and entertaining monologue about world affairs. I know you may not think that it compares to a keg or a bong, but trust me, it will fuck you up even harder than both those things combined.
Jello is curently touring canadian universities, so check him out!
He may be comming your way!!!
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SLACKER curling shirts are in! What does this mean to you? This means you may find yourself slightly more naked than the six of us who got SLACKER curling shirts. . .
and um the rest of things is pretty lame - school is consuming of all my time and that of my peers oh no! big projects, quizzes, exams and lectures are keeping me out of trouble oh no!
um . . .as for Victoria/summer 02, plans are still in the air. I had a co-op interview for some company in California on Monday, and am tempted to take that if the job is offered . . . we shall see!
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not a bad limmerick Mr. Roar.
and since you brought up such fine sofisticated things as poems, I thought I might indulge everone in a few minutes of useless info about art and the new film which has overwhelmed me.
it's called Waking Life and for those of you in KW area I suggest that you check it out soon at the Princess Cinema.
I won't ruin it too much; but it's like a series of short theological conversations on the basis of existence. What makes you exist. What happens when it ends? And what's the deal with Dreams.
you should watch this movie:
if you like movies which make you think
if you like challenging thoughts.
if you enjoy deep conversations with other people
you shouldn't watch this movie:
if you place image over sustence.
if you're in the mood for something mindless and easy.
if you're blissfully ignorent, close minded, and happy to remain that way.
still not sure if you should see this?
then check out the trailer
Wow.
Fuckin' Wow.
back to a more typically swank.ca tone, weekend was good. lots of good reliable drinking fun at Phil's Friday, movies and waterpolo Saturday, and more waterpolo (complete with elbows and split lips) Sunday.
later everyone, and remember to bitch at Ed and Chicken-Cartoon-Man.
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roar roar
hello mr sock, hello mr chicken
i write a limmerick for you:
Eddie sock was anger stricken
and warned of a great ass kickin',
so the colonel made peace
and said, "Ed please,
eat tuna instead of chicken!"
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Well hello to you to Ed!
To answer your question Ed, It's not the fact that I am famouse, that I think I can come on here and bitch and give advice. It's the fact that I used to be a famouse person and now I am a famouse cartoon character that I am allowed to bitch. Ed I know why you are so upset at the world I would be to if there was a hand up my ass all the time.
The other day I received a couple emails one from lwilson witch said: "I have a problem would it be possible to create another day in the week. There just isn't enough days to get drunk in one week.". Well Mr.Wilson I belive that you should go to this website and read what it has to say HERE YOU GO.
Well I just have one more thing to say stay away from the chicken at MACDOLAS
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Hey Colonel
I've got a beef!
It's YOU!!!
What the fuck do you think you're doing? You think that just because you're famous you can come on here and bitch and give advice?
I sincerly doubt that you're the REAL colonal Sanders anyway!
Alright, in the spirit of compition how about, everyone with beefs can email both of us
you can help them with their problems, and I'll tell them why they're morons and why they should go to hell.
so send your questions to ME and the colonel
PS The colonel being actually doesn't bother me at all (i think it's cool) but I do have a bitchy ass hole persona to keep going here.
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well um if you haven't already heard, we got the colonel! He promises to be the Dear Abby, of swank.ca, so feel free to email him your problems!
Also - we're proud to tell everyone that SLACKER PICTURES is going to be releasing its first feature film soon . . . as directed by elusive slacker Michael Chatwin, the film is SLACKERS.
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Well Hello all.... especially to the Colonel...
So yes life progresses on and the day approaches... what happens on that day... I am not sure... but something.... anyhow life continues to get more interesting by the day... you know what... I keep observing the behaviour of woman on the continuing bases that someday I will be the first man to understand them... yeah right that will never happen... apparently it is true though what they say... nice guys finish last and girls go for assholes... I just really feel sorry for those girls... hahahah man are they in for it.........
But you know what.... I am convinced that there are some out there that have the quality of knowing that they have it good and don't need to be treated like shit to feel worthwhile... this is what I am attempting to find....
Ok enough rambling and stupid shit... life is pretty damn great lately... school is hell but that is expected... friends and partying going good... woman prospects are minial but with any luck that will change... can't complain... life is good.. getting a guitar tomorrow...
With any luck I should be back to my fun loving never down personality in the next week or so.... cause life is to short to sit around worrying about people who don't give a damn about you... know what I mean!!
Anyways... expect some uplifting and even motivational updates from me in the upcomming months... and maybe if you waterloo people are lucky Marky Mark and I might grace you with our presence in Feb.....
But I best be going.... that last beer made me tired... so sleepy..
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Well Hello everybody!
It's your finger licking good friend Colonel Sanders.
I have been reviewing this site and I have notice that people come on here and seem to have many problems. So colonel sanders is here to help people out. If you have any problems just email me and I will help you out. finger_lickin_great@hotmail.com
There are a couple people who I would lke to help out today. First off the Waterloo GEEKS. It appers that you people think that if you write about your partying that it will make you look cool. Well I mam here to bring you down to reality. No matter what you will nerver be cool.
Now for the lonely bastards in saskatchewan. All I have to tell you is "YOUR BEER IS NOT BAD" It may taste different but it is still good. http://www.beveragefactory.com/faqs/draftbeer.shtml
Well that is all for today I hope to receive some emails on any beefs that you have and or problems. Here is something It I thought you should know
"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
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Wow.
Like amazing wow.
party at my place last night was DAMN FINE!
good turnout... not the incredible numbers that I had feared, but a reasonable amount..... (somewhere around fourty to sixty different people over the course of the evening I figure)
Damage for the evening:
beer poured into my stereo
2 missing cups
1 friend left with oneone else's jacket (stolen?)
1 stolen couch.
Jesse, I can't believe you tricked your way in like that..... bastard..... :)
So one last note to everyone:
If you see a new inflatible couch floating around, give me a call. It might be mine....
Thanks to all those who made the evening memorable.
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lessons for the evening of Saturday January 19, 2002
jesse is a hard liquor and hard music guy
graham will tell you to go home and the party is over when he finally gets a chick
never give guy an upside down hug because you may accidentally punch michelle somebody
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arhhhhh
graham and guy screw u for having such a party i got extemely drunk and had a thing for a girl there but it was not to be ...
i broke some stuff and broke some people and it was your fault
they got it,
bloody hell i gat some stuff in my ear
death to all you
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Whew.
back from party at House 77
decent.... though I expect a few more first year women (wasn't that andy's job?)
i mean it IS UofT. It's not like it's the only campus in Canada to have more men than women
anyway; lessons for the evening
jesse is a liquour and alt. rock guy
jesse isn't a beer drinker
jesse fucking sucks at boat racing
but I'm not too much off the pace of the guys we were competing against, and they practices almost daily.
Well, one party done.
one to go.
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in case you haven't already heard, here is the deal:
graham cale is going to take responsibility for whatever bad shit happens at CLT this weekend! So the masses have spread the word that a party shall be in order, and his place and that of his neighbours seems most appropriate. Bring your friends; bring your friends' friends, and bring their friends, to CLT #28 this saturday. it's BYOB, smoking is outside, and hippies must go off of campus property to do their thing. But it's going to be a good good time.
waterpolo is good; photography club is good, and i'm going down to mississauga to party it up with brad and the first year girls . . . . which reminds me of our crappy new temporary slogan...
SLACKER SOUND SISTIMS:
be like the tortoise and beat the hair
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Oh yeah have some sort of Perverted and unwholesome weekend..
Bunch of weirdo's
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Well tonight is the last night of Temptation Island 2..
Damn you Eumondo why did you kick my bloody cousin off!!
ASS!!
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hey mark you know the rule about abandoned cars, no? here is the procedure let me remind you:
day 1 - roll the car onto your front lawn
day 2 - put a ticket on the car, "your car is on my front lawn. i will reposess on day 3 this is your last warning"
day 3 - the car is now yours. congratulations. make sure to remove the license plates and paint it
oh yeah and well speaking of stolen cars, those animal lovers at h77 stole our van and trashed it! which reminds me of our new temporary crappy slogan:
SLACKER SOUND SISTIMS:
our fingers aren't greasy afterwards
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Abandoned
To anyone that is interested in a Red Mustang GT with two white racing stripes. There has been one abandoned in front of my house since Saturday. If you are good at hotwiring Ford Vehicles give it your best shot. The door are open ( I checked) so you wont have to worry about wrecking the locks. You will however have to pay the grader fee for leaving a car on a main road during the winter. Please just leave a envelope addressed to Slacker Mark with twenty dollars and that should cover the cost.
Thanks
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Not to say "me too" but I don't think that Jesse emphasized it enough.
The Big Chill was freakin amazing.
I was completely expecting a night of boring empty dancing and drinking, but there was passion! There was lovin' in the air.
It was like a brand new UWaterloo.
I think I first noticed that it was going to be a good night when an incredibly attractive security guard asked me to step over so she could frisk me........
Soon after I ran into Guy. (Guy's my new first year cool roommate. Sort of reminds me of me when I was that young and impressionable. Except he drinks more. Which is fine. Because I drink more now too.
Anyway, to get back to the point Guy does not seem to have any male friends. Only women.
All of them single.
Many of them nice to talk with.
Many of them quite attractive.
Many of them even fall into both of those categories.
So yeah. It was a great night.
Oh yeah, and the new graphics on the site are sweet.
Check back here later this week for a post relating to a party this weekend.
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the BIG CHILL was fabulous. The music was solid, the people were friendly and the dancing was wild. oh boy!
did you ever get the really good energy over you? where you are like drunk on energy? well for some reason last night at grahams I was high on life - very good. i guess i'm feeling better now!
which is good, cause lots of shit is going down these days. school is starting to demand my constant attention - and although I know what I'm doing, there still is a lot of work. co-op starts this week: i try get job in Vic.
anyone like the swank new graphics on swank.ca? Our site is cool now! anyway I just decide i must post pic from the Dandy Warhols:
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THE BEER IS GOOD !!!!!!!!!!!
by a freak accident Clay Lawless made a very important discovery last night. He couldn't stand to look at the new years keg anymore. It was killing him that there was still beer to drink. He was on a mission he didn't care weather it was flatter than your girlfiend back in grade seven. He didn't care that it was skunky as hell. Clay drank the beer and when he realized that it was still good Clay shared the beer.
THE BEER IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!
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nickelback agrees with you, Regina: MATHEW SUCKS BAND
oh yeah and clay, you're right . . . women are kinda hard to figure out. But damn it man, the pretty ones still make me smile.
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Well holy crap there sure has been alot of action on here in the last few days... so I thought I would join in....
New Years was pretty good... a little disappointed with the entire party for their lack of beer drinking... I was saddened that some of the Keg did in fact have to go to waste... I tried my best... but that was just too much beer for one man to handle!!
Other than that life continues on... though somedays I wish it didn't...
But I can't really think of much else to say at the moment... so I will let you all go before I continue rambling on making no sense what so ever. Oh and I think I figured out women a little in the last week or so..
This is my thoughts on them:
Women don't know what they want.... when they get what they think is what they want... the don't want it anymore... and in fact want the opposite.... and then when they get that they don't want it anymore... so basically women are just so confused all the time as to what they want they can never decide and drive everyone else bloody insane...
And there you have it ;-) It is sorta the nice guys asshole guy principle only worded a little differently... I hope my total pessimism didn't bring everyone down.... but that is how I feel.... anyhow everyone have a great happy friday night... and hopefully when we wake up tomorrow you can still remember your own name....
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hey,
the other day, (monday i think it was) slacker, jonno and i all headed for TO for some unclear reason..... something about too much time on our hands or something..... though i'm not exactly sure how that happened.
anyway, i took the oportunity to procrastinate a little bit more and not work on a work report which was due soon later this week. so i kept a log of stuff that was going on during the trip on jesses iSlac rather than work on the report.
meh
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DAMN THE MAN!
THE MAN HAS $127.59 OF MY MONEY!
But I feel good about what I have. So you damn the man, I'll listen to my music.
I've got lots to listen to.
later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vegitarians are the new Feminists
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hey brad - what do you think of this design for tha curling shirts? note that the strike pad is continuous, and the back features the slacker van - it just shows up sometimes! if you don't like the van or anything else, tell me your problems dude! what are quantities?
anyone else interested in slacker curling shirts? we're sponsoring a curling team oh yeah! they're like our michael jordan yeah, which reminds me of our crappy new temporary slogan:
SLACKER SOUND SISTIMS
is the new Nike
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hey socky, i fear that the situation you describe is all to common. a lot of people really think only of themselves. it's not cool. there's a code of conduct for like um gentlemen and such and i think your situation is listed as a serious faux-pas. oh well man. the only recommendation i can make is to date really damn ass ugly chicks. nobody hits on them!
oh yeah and SLACKER curling shirts are coming for the oversexed monsters at house 77. brad if you read this I need your colours, names and any more ideas man!
PS - graham your webpage is broken
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Well new years was a success and I think that on that note 2002 will be a great year for us all. Last year I was sick on new years and the entire year sucked. This year is a new dawn, a new beginning, the old sinicism is gone, I feel that this year will begin a new era a stepping stone if you will. I feel that this year just maybe we will figure out who is the hand behind that bitchy sock. Maybe we will find out that Bin laden is really living in the secret passageway below the white house. Maybe this year I will realize how much school sucks and live my life time dream of working in a Toblerone factory being the man who is in charge of the almond nougat. God bless the inventors of nougat! Maybe just maybe one day while driving my car, a brisk Saskatchewan wind will blow the Datsun 280 into rust dust and I will be left suspended by my own momentum holding on to my steering wheel. Maybe just maybe the perfect girl will come to me. Maybe just maybe the world will finally come to an end and all the stupid philosophers will be happy becuase Notrodamus was right. Why would anyone listen to that guy he was walking negativity. And of course you are going to be right about some things when you take the dictionary and arange the words in every possible combination and every day for the next ten thousand years could possibly be the end of the world. Maybe just maybe I will win the lottery and share with everyone I knew and I would expect the same from you.
Only time will tell. This has been "Not so Deep Thoughts" with your slacker west corespondent Mark Wilson Have a happy new year.
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Hello all
I am back, and as you may have guessed by the familiar picture, I'm here to bitch.
Today, I'm going to bitch about guys. No I'm not a woman, I'm here to bitch about how guys have abandoned the code and are just plain shitty.
Let me paint a hypothetical situation to explain my ranting....
...Lets say that guy A is at a party with his girlfriend. Guy A is partying downstairs with buddies, while his girlfriend has gone upstairs, to get another drink/pee/get more food, or some other reason. While guy A's girlfriend is upstairs she is hit on by another guy, we'll call him "shitty hockey jock from Notre Dame". The fact that he hits on her is not bad as he does not know that she is taken (although the line "I play hockey for Notre Dame" is rather unimaginative and will likely only land you gonorrhea infested jock groupie skanks). The problem comes later. Girlfriend politely turns down shitty hockey jock form Notre Dame explaining that her loving boyfriend is downstairs and she has no intentions of cheating.
At this point everything is still cool (other than the obvious idiocy of the stereotypical jock). However throughout the night shitty hockey jock (we'll drop the Notre Dame part to save time) continues to hit on guy A's girlfriend. The entire night guy A's girlfriend is blatantly hit on by at least a half dozen guys who are well aware that she is taken.
My beef is that no guy wants other guys hitting on his girlfriend, so why do it to someone else? It just shows how shitty you are!
Men need to re-instate the code of brotherhood, and stay away from women who are taken!!!!!
Hopefully my words of wisdom have sparked something inside the minds of the jerks out there that intentionally steal women. If not, just email me, and I'll take out all of the big words for you.
All for now,
sock man
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sex
sex
sex.
it's all i think about.
that and dave thomas
editor's note: this post is not from a legitimate jesse. it is, however, all true.
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shitty day twice:
#1 - Dave Thomas passed away. I liked Dave Thomas a lot. We were going to invite him to Robbie and Mark's new years shindig, but we didn't because he would have probably felt awkward at the party. Sucks that he passed away. Sucks that we won't be seeing Dave in a new 30 second skit every month or so. Regards to the family.
#2 - Got kicked out of my drama class! The class was over-registered or something and since I'm a lowly CS type, I was expendable. So I spent this afternoon running around trying to get rid of the textbooks which I'd purchased for the course. Oh well. I'm swapping the drama course with sex ed part 2; let's hope it goes better than the first one.
Yeah and we should start workin' on getting SSS a real business. Any advice? Heck, maybe we'll create a corporate bank account. That would be funny.
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news flash: alternative is a skam!
the link just says linkin park was the #1 album of 2001 - not a big deal. Except that if you're all like "Hey I'm so artistic, I'm so cool, I'm an individual because I don't listen to bubble gum pop; I'm original; I listen to alternative music" well then you're full of shit. So in response I introduce crappy new temporary slogan:
SLACKER SOUND SISTIMS:
distributing mainstream for the man
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my Ordinary Girlfriend
song lyrics
not too hot but not so bad
noticing you, no-one ever had
when grades come you'll get your Bs
and breasts to match, everyone agrees
you're my ordinary girlfriend
average plain normal you are
medium typical and regular
you're my ordinary girlfriend
your hair's not blonde your eyes ain't blue
you don't stand tall at five foot two
not so loud and not quite mute
why be sexy, you're already so cute
you're my ordinary girlfriend
average plain normal you are
medium typical and regular
you're my ordinary girlfriend
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I feel sick.
Like seriously SICK.
Like my name is Jesse and I'm alergic to Ontario and I drank too much SICK!
Isn't ANYTHING sacred!?!
SW is supposed to be sacred.
On the up side, I like how my room looks.
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new year's eve recap:
- "Kegstand . . . kegstand . . . KEGSTAND!"
- Marcus and Clayton
- "Sometimes you gotta make some love"
- Bryan and Shannon
- [barf]
- the North-end kids
- "Oh mark rub me a little more here and over here too oh that feels good oh yeah"
- Chelsea Firetruckson
- "Jesse please, please, turn the music down!"
- Lucie and her minions
well new years' was definitely a good time at 78 selkirk crescent. Thanks to the Anderson's for making it all possible. I'll be posting up the embarrassing pics real soon
oh yeah and I go back to damn ontario tomorrow. Damn ontario!
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