swank jesse [2:10 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: hey jesse what up
swank jesse [2:10 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: not much, just surfing internet
swank jesse [2:10 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: whatcha looking at?
swank jesse [2:10 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: reading the Onion
swank jesse [2:11 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: and . . .?
swank jesse [2:11 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: and what?
swank jesse [2:11 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: it appears the bandwidth of your 'net connection shows a lot more than news parody
swank jesse [2:11 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: well I'm also ICQing Jodie
swank jesse [2:12 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I'm still not satisfied. You're downloading a lot of shit
swank jesse [2:12 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: well maybe i'm looking at pictures too
swank jesse [2:12 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: For swank.ca InstantJpeg?
swank jesse [2:12 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Not exactly, but yeah.
swank jesse [2:12 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: porn. You're looking at porn.
swank jesse [2:12 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: No, No I'm not.
jodie [2:13 AM] :
yes you are
swank jesse [2:13 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Yes you are, It makes perfect sense
swank jesse [2:13 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Jodie will come to bail me out
jodie [2:13 AM] :
detective jodie: i think jesse needs more sugar
swank jesse [2:13 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: It appears she has come to the same conclusion as I
swank jesse [2:13 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: No, Jodie knows that even if I wanted too, I couldn't look at porn and type this fast
jodie [2:13 AM] :
alter ego jodie: yes. jodie is a smart girl
swank jesse [2:13 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: keep two hands on the keyboard, big guy
swank jesse [2:14 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: what the fuck? What are you doing?
swank jesse [2:14 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I'm trying to reason with you, and figure out what you're up to
swank jesse [2:14 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: I'm looking at the Onion!
swank jesse [2:14 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: The onion doesn't have any webpages that come from these servers as on your web browser requests
swank jesse [2:14 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: what the fuck?
jodie [2:15 AM] :
and this was the night that detective jodie realized that jesse has a case of multiple personality (as opposed to the big word that means the same thing but is hard to spell)
swank jesse [2:15 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: By using a simple 'sniffer' or network packet analyzer, I can read what you're doing on the Internet
swank jesse [2:15 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Yeah right tough guy, and maintaining multiple personalities while I'm at it
jodie [2:16 AM] :
well. you are certainly making me laugh
swank jesse [2:16 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I've done my research, learned the tools. Look at www.snort.org, Jesse. You can read what someone else is doing online if you are on the same network as them
swank jesse [2:16 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: well what do you see? A bunch of ICQ shit?
swank jesse [2:16 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Well something about making someone laugh.
swank jesse [2:16 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: You're reading my packets! You bastard!
swank jesse [2:16 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Quit invading my privacy
swank jesse [2:17 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Hey hotshot, here's an idea3
swank jesse [2:17 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: spill it, brainiac
swank jesse [2:17 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Try this little technology called 'Encryption' . . . then you can 'make jodie laugh' and download HOT XXX TEEN GIRLS without broadcasting to the world that you're a pervert
swank jesse [2:17 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: holy shit
swank jesse [2:18 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: fuck you, fuck you detective boy. Fuck you. Don't you have crimes to solve or something?
swank jesse [2:18 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I'm trying to keep the Internet clean from sickos like you
swank jesse [2:18 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Since when is porno rated as more severe a crime than privacy invasion?
jodie [2:18 AM] :
i see this detective jesse has his work cut out for him
swank jesse [2:18 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: good point.
swank jesse [2:18 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: yeah, yeah I got you there hotshot
swank jesse [2:19 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: But you were looking at some pretty hot shit, I'll tell you that
jodie [2:19 AM] :
hahahahha
oh my god.
you are too funny
swank jesse [2:19 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Did you see the one with the brunette with the pink skirt?
swank jesse [2:20 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: What? No I missed it. What was it?
swank jesse [2:20 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Well it was this pretty cute girl. Pink skirt, blue shirt. Really hot, but yeah there's a lot of porn here.
swank jesse [2:20 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Oh I think I know the one. Was she shaved?
swank jesse [2:20 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: No, no, that one's not half as good.
swank jesse [2:21 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Check it out!
swank jesse [2:21 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Okay okay.
jodie [2:21 AM] :
oops, missed out on that opportunity
swank jesse [2:21 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: It failed. I think my ICQ is all fucked up
swank jesse [2:22 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: It's okay. There's lots more porn on the Internet
swank jesse [2:22 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Well if you see anything really good, save it for me
swank jesse [2:22 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Okay, but not tonight, my harddrive is almost full
swank jesse [2:22 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Oh yeah? Could you burn me some CDs?
swank jesse [2:22 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: maybe later.
swank jesse [2:22 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: jerk
swank jesse [2:23 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: So um, how's the detective business?
jodie [2:23 AM] :
you are too fun. i have to admit it
swank jesse [2:23 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: It's kinda slow. I've been assigned to cybercrime. It pretty much just works out to be looking at other people's porn all night.
swank jesse [2:23 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Kinda slow? That's my dream job.
swank jesse [2:23 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Trust me, you'd get bored of it in 15 minutes.
swank jesse [2:24 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: 30 mintes.
swank jesse [2:24 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: 20 minutes.
jodie [2:24 AM] : but then what do you do for the rest of the night?!
swank jesse [2:24 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: 20 minutes. But have you caught the badguy yet?
swank jesse [2:24 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Well I just came to a deadend in this other case when I started to follow your scandalous downloads.
swank jesse [2:25 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: This other case? I'm curious.
swank jesse [2:25 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: It's confidential shit, pornboy
swank jesse [2:25 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: don't call me that. Call me jesse, jess, slacker or swank.
swank jesse [2:25 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I hear the goatee one calls you jiggles.
swank jesse [2:25 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: And you too, dumbass
swank jesse [2:25 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: touche
swank jesse [2:26 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: that's a good expression, but it's hard to write accents on a keyboard
swank jesse [2:26 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: yup yup
swank jesse [2:26 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: so tell me about this case already
jodie [2:26 AM] :
*inside look at a creative genius arguing with himself.
rare opportunity... CRICKEY
swank jesse [2:26 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Well if you must, it involves the 'net surfing behaviour of one Jodie Ashford
swank jesse [2:26 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Jodie? I knowa Jodie.
swank jesse [2:27 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Yes well I took one look at the logs and 'CRICKEY' I was on to something.
swank jesse [2:27 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: On to what? Scandalous email? Monkey sites? I must know.
swank jesse [2:27 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: It's about as much as I can say right now.
swank jesse [2:28 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Fuck man you're lame. You said 'CRICKEY' but you won't tell me why.
swank jesse [2:28 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Well I'd really like to go over it in gory detail with you, but this is not the place.
swank jesse [2:28 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: what the fuck? come on I'm anxious.
jodie [2:28 AM] :
but where is the place?
swank jesse [2:29 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: It's not the place. First off, ICQ conversations are not encrypted. They save a full history for anyone who has access to the computer.
swank jesse [2:29 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: So....
swank jesse [2:29 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: And I'm suspicious that our conversation has been tapped.
swank jesse [2:29 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Isn't that a phone-slang?
swank jesse [2:29 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: You come up with a better metaphor.
swank jesse [2:29 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Okay okay I get it. Someone is listening in on our typing.
swank jesse [2:30 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Yeah I think that she might realize I've been tracing her downloads.
jodie [2:30 AM] :
but the question is why
swank jesse [2:30 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: You think she can hear this entire conversaion? That's impossible. If Jodie could read this, then um 'Hey Jodie what's up?'
jodie [2:30 AM] :
oh, stuff
swank jesse [2:31 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Don't mock me, asshole. I think she's listening.
swank jesse [2:31 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Do you think she has a sniffer? I don't think Jodie is that elite.
jodie [2:31 AM] :
i think she is laughing a lot
swank jesse [2:31 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Don't you get it dumbass? She's an evil genious. She's been playing both of us since day one.
jodie [2:31 AM] :
not in a hacking/computer type of elite... but in other ways!
swank jesse [2:31 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: An evil genious? Interesting.
swank jesse [2:32 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Her minions, Melissa and Sara - they're just a front.
swank jesse [2:32 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: I figured so much. Are either of them Robots?
swank jesse [2:32 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I'm still trying to figure that out.
swank jesse [2:33 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: I'm sure that Sara is a robot. Have you seen the mechanical way she walks? I read in a magazine somewhere that robot metal gets corroded by meat. And I figure that's the vegatarianism right there.
swank jesse [2:33 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I never thought of that. The 'Mac sauce is the perfect lube for her gears and motors. I'm sure that Jodie has been using her to spy on us since September!
jodie [2:34 AM] :
sarah?
robot?
she is too spuratic
swank jesse [2:34 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: I used to live with a robot, Bob. He was a total dead giveaway. He was vegatarian, robot movements
and of course whenever he would recharge he would pretend to be high!
swank jesse [2:35 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I noticed that. He sure needs to download some new expressions, that one. 'Mills, you're gay' is being used way too frequently lately.
swank jesse [2:35 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: It's funny cause it's Mills.
swank jesse [2:35 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: So back to the case.
swank jesse [2:36 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Yeah yeah, Jodie = evil genious. Sara & Melissa = robots. What else?
swank jesse [2:36 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: The brother. The secret is the brother!
swank jesse [2:36 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: I knew there was something about the brother. What is it?
jodie [2:36 AM] :
the brother is coming to visit tomorrow
swank jesse [2:36 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Well he's the true brains of the operation. Jodie is the head of one of his teams, the team that is out to perform the operations on you Waterloo boys.
swank jesse [2:37 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Operations? What the fuck?
swank jesse [2:37 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: The evil bastard is planning on converting you guys into pure testosterone which he can then inject into himself! Bwah hah hah as he might say.
swank jesse [2:38 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Pure testosterone? But we're so . . . so . . . perfect.
swank jesse [2:38 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: I know. Jodie's boobie-thrusts are the perfect weapon for capturing the testosterone for the evil plan.
swank jesse [2:38 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Of course!
jodie [2:39 AM] :
i don't chest thrust!
swank jesse [2:39 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: So what ever you do, be careful of the boobie-thrusts! For if she infects you, your testosterone will be removed and you will become a sissy-bitch.
swank jesse [2:39 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: A sissy-bitch? Oh my god I think they've got Mills!
jodie [2:40 AM] :
it wasn't me!!!!!!!!
swank jesse [2:40 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Mills has been weakened, but not killed. Whenever Melissa is around, you can see that his testosterone levels sink to dangerously low levels.
swank jesse [2:40 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: That's why he was such a loser at the party, but cool tonight. Melissa has been sucking the testosterone right out of him!
swank jesse [2:40 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Careful with the metaphors, tough guy.
swank jesse [2:41 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Good point. Removing the testosterone from him with some sort of 'the force' or something completely non-sexual.
swank jesse [2:41 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Much better.
jodie [2:41 AM] :
possibly.
but.
melissa is but a mind altering robot, no?
swank jesse [2:42 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: So what about Sara? Is she meant to deteriorate the testosterone levels from one of us?
swank jesse [2:42 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: no.
jodie [2:42 AM] :
ahahhahahahahahaha
oh my god
swank jesse [2:42 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Then what's the point of her? How does she fit into Jodie and the brother's evil plan?
swank jesse [2:42 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: We had extra robots.
swank jesse [2:42 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Extra robots? I don't buy it.
jodie [2:42 AM] :
hahahahhahahhahha
swank jesse [2:43 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: Well they were kinda getting bored of her at headquarters.
swank jesse [2:43 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: Evil headquarters? They got bored of her?
swank jesse [2:43 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: And when Bordine broke down due to a malfunctioning PCI-bus, they asked Jodie to take Sara off their hands?
swank jesse [2:43 AM] :
SLACKER JESSE: And Jodie politely took Sara in?
swank jesse [2:44 AM] :
DETECTIVE JESSE: She really is too nice.
swank jesse [2:44 AM] :

swank jesse [2:44 AM] :

swank jesse [2:44 AM] :

swank jesse [2:44 AM] :
The Evil Jodies
written and directed by
SLACKER JESSE
swank jesse [2:44 AM] :
staring (in alphabetical order)
DETECTIVE JESSE
SLACKER JESSE
swank jesse [2:44 AM] :
copyright 2002
SLACKER SOUND SISTIMS
jodie [2:45 AM] :
i like it.
swank jesse [2:45 AM] :
thank you
jodie [2:45 AM] :
too much laughing.
the house is quiet, so it makes me seem loud
swank jesse [2:46 AM] :
i'm sorry. . . the movie version comes out next year