New Mattress

When I moved into 15175 SW Walker, my roommate explained the state of my bedroom, "the futon in there is from my last roommate, who will be picking it up real soon!" I was skeptical. It was a crappy futon mattress spralled out in the middle of the floor. Who would come to claim that? So I set up my pillows & stuff on the futon and claimed it as my own. It wasn't great but I am easy to please.

After two full weeks in the place, I was confident the futon was mine for good. I'd come to appreciate the chocolate stain in the corner and it was soft for me. In fact, we were so intimate, I slept with futon every night.

Then the doorbell rang. It was Chris, the old roommate and he as here for the Futon! Oh no! You're taken? But I.. I.. I can't believe I slept with you! I pretended like me and the mattress were just friends and sent him on his way. I didn't want him to think the futon was dirty!

So Saturday was buy a new mattress-day. Which really means strap something to the roof of my new Suabru day! The roof racks worked real well and this car is really growing on me.

Finally, an update on the bird situation. Its reign of terrorism continued all last week, including one swoop that came so close I decided it was safer to jog through the danger zone on Thursday and Friday. But this morning I had an idea. Rather than being tormented, I decided to show the bird who was boss! I growled, "Rarr! Rarr! I'm MEAN! Rarr" and I made eye contact with my feathered enemy. It started towards me but I snapped, "GRRR" and it backed off! I made it afraid! And then at lunch I had a huge chicken and turkey sandwich for lunch to reaffirm my dominance.

This bird doesn't like me

I live close to work. Walking-distance close.

On my twice-daily walk between home & the office, I take this cute little bike path. The problem is that there's a bird guarding the path. This bird that wants to kill me. Today the bird swooped by my head twice, brushing by my hair on the second pass. It caws and hisses and that 8 inch bird manages to bring fear into the soul of this five-foot-eight man.

It goes so fast and it gets me really upset! I wasn't trying to steal the birds babies or anything! I was just walking on the path. Why does the bird feel threatened by my presence? I come in peace!

So I'll weigh my options:

Kill the bird tomorrow. Poisoning it would be fairly simple and mostly nonviolent.

Start wearing a helmet to work.

Find a different route to work. But I am so lazy and the shortest distance between two points is in through the scary bird place!

I think I'm going to be conservative on this one and start with just a baseball cap. Wish me luck!

Murderize the fucking tee

On Wednesday June 8 my parents and I decided to check out some clubs at Golf Galaxy. I've been out for nine holes with James a couple of times and I think it's about damn time I get my own kit. Well there was little success for me, but my mom ended up getting a fantastic deal - Callaway drivers, irons, putter and bag for three hundred greenbacks. The clubs were cheap 'cause they come from a model line called GES, which failed because the clubs are shaped like scoops!

But when I golfed with these bizarre, pink ladies golf clubs on Thusday, I hit the ball further than I ever have before! I was hitting the ball so far that I managed to lose half a dozen of 'em. My dainty mother who's only golfed a handful of times managed to come 39 inches from a hole in one! Whoa!

So here's my dilemma - do I buy magic ladies clubs so that I can golf well, but get laughed at for my pink golf bag? Or do I buy a nice set of regular clubs, and get laughed at for my weak game!

Sue bar ooh

My parents are down in Portland visiting this week, and on Tuesday afternoon they picked me up after work. "You've got an appointment with a hawaiian auto-dealer!", mom announced as they drove me to a local dealership.

On the ride over they hyped the Impreza, informing me of its safety rating and how it was a very economically responsible vehicle. I was skeptical. I haven't been interested in Subaru since Crocodile Dundee stopped being the Japanese automaker's spokesman.

A test drive changed my mind. My Hawaiian friend gave me the the turning circle demo, the emergency braking demo and even the don't-slow-down-for-speed-bumps demo. It was a fun ride. I drove it, and I loved the handling. Portland's roads are winding and rain is a daily event. With the Impreza, these aren't annoyances, they're features! The vehicle loves the rain, the curve and I'm a demanding driver.

Within 3 hours of test drive I drove home my new Impreza. It's an '05 wagon in red with manual transmission and alloy rims. All it needs is a name!

Les Hommes Bleu

Shit! I still have Blue-Man-Group tix for Tuesday. I really wanted to go see 'em, but I can't!

In Too-Hot-For-TV news, there was some pretty severe humping going on somewhere in my building this morning at 5:58am. I woke up to the sound of a neighbour's headboard banging to the smooth rhythm of consentual love. As an added bonus, this percussion was concluded with some fairly pornesque moans.

My parents come to town today and I wanna take 'em to all the Portland tourist attractions! They missed the big ass rose festival yesterday, but today should be good times for the big ass park! Plus -shoe shopping and a tour of my new place of business if there's time. It should be a great day.

Shower curtain rings

Last night I brought my suitcases to my new apartment and got familiar with the place. There's a resident pooch named Valentine, who will surely be a friend of mine for the future. I'll be sharing the apartment with a girl named Jamie who works in the apartment's main complex.

Upon awakening this morning I decided I wanted a shower. But behold, a lack of towels! I walked fourty five minutes to the neighbourhood Target to pick up some towels and a shower curtain. I also grabbed the regular crap required to live in 2005 such as dish soap, lightbulbs, hangars and green plates. I called my personal taxi driver Ozzie and brought the new crap home.

Unfortunately I was missing something very important for my shower: shower curtain rings! So I'm currently in transit to Target for them rings and more crap. Will I shower today? The clock is ticking!

Apartment? Check.

I got an apartment that's a short walk from work. It's cheap, it's good and it comes with a roommate and a dog! The dog is really big and fun, expect photos soon. The roommate is medium sized and probably also fun.

I'll need to furnish with a bed, some decorations and some flatware but that's all boring stuff for the department stores to handle. The important stuff will be taken care of at the employee store, which I wanna visit this weekend for some new awesome clothes and maybe golf clubs. It's as good an excuse as any to crack a beer before 8am on a Sunday!

Apartment hunting

The mexican restaurants in Portland give you free nachos and salsa while you wait for your fajita! Work's going great, I'm fitting right in and fast. Today I started implementing IMPORTANT FEATURE #431 and soon they'll be giving me bigger and harder tasks!

Soon I will have a new apartment and then I can have parties. But I'll have to make more than one friend first! Oregon rules but it's still more like being at programming camp than being at a new job! And everybody loves programming camp!